From the Shores of the Ottawa River

The eyes of love see past behavior to acknowledge and recognize a loved one’s true self. Do not judge people by their  actions at a time when the person was not at their best.  Life is too short to let your ego ruin your days, carrying this heavy burden.  

I’ve come to accept you cannot expect love and forgiveness, it happens when the other person is ready for it.  What worked  for me, to achieve peace is to let go of hurt.

If you loved and admired someone, those qualities  can still exist.  I acknowledge if you’re not ready, it is difficult to see it.

I had always admired my older brother Freddy when I was a child. He is educated, funny and kind.

And I closed my heart to him. after hearing gosip about him. Freddy called a couple days ago. And I could not hold judgement against him. All the things I admired about him came flooding back. Little things he did like visiting me in hospital when I was a child, and a few years ago helping me overcome challenges.  I could see In spite of what he has been accused of doing, at his core, he is  still the person that I once admired.

I will never know the true story. But who am I to judge him? I will not close my heart to him, especially now when he is experiencing early onset dementia.

You might also know someone you admire that no longer matches the admiration you once held for them. I see my brothers as part of my journey to be a better person.

One, to love in spite of his actions. It is important to note, forgiveness is not the same as acceptance. And, the other who helped me get to that point of love and forgiveness. I write this knowing it may piss off some family, and they my disown me too. But I refuse to turn my back on my brother. No one can say they are perfect. life is about falling from grace and getting back to being a better person.

If there is one thing I take from Buddhism it is everything is impermanent. including, people and their behavior. Moreover it is how we react to them with compassion that matters.

In times like this, I think of Nelson Mandela forgiving his prison guards and accepting to love them, and Buddhist monk ,Thich Nhat Hanh, forgiving the people that exiled him from his country. Viktor Frankl, Austrian Doctor who forgave the Natzis for killing his family. If these men can find forgiveness, and love, I can too.

 “Think of that person with love and kindness” , said my late brother,   Dene Elder, Patrick Deranger. I can hear him say that now about my brother who fell from grace.

I may have unintentionally hurt others, by what I write in the moment, even in this blog.  However, My  one action does not define who I am.

Same as your unkind words to someone do not define who you are.  The truth is our perceptions creates a bias story design to make us right and the other person wrong, once we look at ourselves, we can see we made the whole thing up and the impact is we feel hurt, but it all plays out in our mind.

Have an amazing weekend, reach out to a loved one and just let them know you’re letting the past stay in the past. Today is a new day!