From the Shores of the Ottawa River

I woke up in the middle of the night to a message that a niece is fighting for her life. I felt a mixture of feelings. Frustration, anger, and a profound sorrow upon hearing this news.

I wrote about a family member in 2016 who was fighting alcoholism. I have no misconceptions that my writing changes anybody’s mind to quit drinking.   I may even get blowback from writing about it. I admit that I don’t understand it.  I reluctantly write about it,  in hopes that someone reading what I’ve written will reconsider their path .  I admit I don’t know what it feels like to crave that drink despite  one’s’ life hanging in the balance.

That said, I write because it is frustrating to lose people to alcoholism again and again.  Alcoholism has plagued my family for as long as I can remember.  The difficulty for me is watching  helplessly while my family wage their personal battle with alcoholism  which is sometimes won, in those instances a sigh of relief is unmistakeable, and the anniversary of sobriety is celebrated yearly.  Because it means they got their life back.

Members of my family who are alcoholic I view with compassion and empathy There must be unbearable pain. I am not better than them.

What I do know is that it’s not a fight you take on alone.  The truth is people are hurting and in pain. A pain that is hidden behind smiles and laughter.  A supportive loving and compassionate system is the only chance to win this battle. It takes a community.  family.  friends.  People who are not afraid to speak the difficult truth.     Being there for them when they are weak.  Being there to listen. And being there to say the hard truth while letting them know that their life holds value. 

My niece is fighting for her life.  She is demonstrating with her life the very real consequence of her choices.  If, she makes it through, she is going to need support  She is a bright intelligent woman, and mother.  She has value.

As a society we must adjust our thinking on how we view alcohol. When a youth turns 18 society accepts it is ok  to take them to a bar to get a taste of this seductive nectar. Recently I posted something on social media about a nephew partying the night before he passed. I received a comment saying he had not been drinking. however, I know for a fact that he enjoyed weed. When he came to visit me a year before he passed, we talked about how much he smoked weed. I pleaded with him   to stop because he had a heart condition, and although he didn’t smoke cigarettes, I knew smoking weed could be just as damaging. We must stop making excuses, and normalizing social drinking and smoking weed, it is killing  our people.

This is a difficult but necessary conversation.  If a conversation is difficult, then it should be engaged in with as many people as possible. And you know what, it seems like it is never the perfect time the for a difficult conversation.

 My late friend Harold R. Johnson wrote this about it in his book, Firewater – How Alcohol is killing My People (and Yours) I Feel compelled to write because, so few are speaking out about alcoholism.  Our political leaders, our chiefs and councillors, the AFN, the Indian federations, the tribal council – all are silent. 

Its impact on lives, particularly in First Nation communities, is well documented. I am convinced that there is no other place in Canada that feels the influence of addictions more fully than in a First Nation community.  These communities are tight. Their hearts beat as one.  The saying “all my relations” is not lost here because one quickly realizes how closely related everyone is.  When misfortune befalls one family in the community, everyone feels the pain.   More importantly, they will show up to support one another.  That is one advantage I will always treasure being from Fort Chipeyan, my home community.  There really is a true sense of belonging,   inclusion. Sadly though, there is no escape from the cruel reality of addictions, it is everywhere.  It breeds hopelessness. It permeates the social fabric and, it is unfortunately, intergenerational.

To be sure, it is not for a lack of knowledge that abusive drinking happens. There is already so much information about alcoholism in our communities. For example, that alcohol has both a seductive and destructive nature. It is sneaky like that. The belief is that drinking is started to forget pain and trauma, which works for a short period, but then it quickly becomes the problem. And then health will begin to decline, and relationships break down.  Knowing this, why would anyone want to get started? Instead, it is viewed as fun, as “partying.” It enables people to “let off steam” and to “take the edge off.” It is seen as the activity that brings people together. People even brag about it and post their alcohol-fuelled escapades on social media. Even knowing the harmful nature of alcohol, some think nothing of inviting others to join in this tragic cycle of self-abuse.  The hard truth is that others are taken down too. Like the saying goes “misery loves company.” Especially if they have the means to supply more alcohol, all the while knowing it is wrong but powerless against the allure of booze.

When tragedy strikes due to excess drinking, which it unfortunately and eventually will, its impact reverberates throughout a community like shockwaves.  Mixed emotions stir under the dark blanket of grief.  The shock leaves everyone unable to comprehend the incident.  On some level there is a nagging sense that whatever tragedy happened was preventable. That fact makes any tragedy that much more incomprehensible.  Understandably, the moment right after a tragedy never seems to be time to have a conversation about it, because that would dishonour the victims and bring an inappropriate sense of being judgmental.  Emotions are raw as minds wrestle to comprehend a senseless tragedy. Hearts are broken, dreams  shattered, never to come to pass.  Because of the overwhelming grief that envelops everyone, there will always be some people who will then turn to drinking to dull the pain, because that is how they deal with pain.  They may even raise a glass or bottle to the victim, at the grave, not seeing how ironic and empty the gesture is. The vicious cycle continues. 

Still, wouldn’t this be an ideal time, the perfect time, to have that very conversation? If only because the incident illustrates so intensely the destructive choices made under the influence of alcohol while it is fresh and before it is swept out of sight. Because responding to tragedy must always be sobering, pun intended.  at least at the initial moment of reaction.  

Moreover, in small communities, when a tragedy has been caused by alcohol, people know what happened and they know why it happened. To be sure, everyone is thinking about it and talking about it behind closed doors in whispers, in hushed voices barely holding back assigning blame.  Asking the question to themselves and those closest to them, why people are not talking about this together as a community? If there was ever a time to get together as a community, to perhaps reveal some hard truths, could this be the time?

That said, the reasons for all alcohol-related tragedies must be discussed openly and honestly in our communities, not with a sense of judgment or blame, but to ask the simple question: why?  Why does it keep happening, even when we all know the dangers and the illusions that we create for ourselves, like the illusion that drinking to excess is partying, like the illusion that alcohol can help us with pain, like the illusion that the inevitable tragedy will happen to someone else. 

Our people need to talk about these things. To do this is to honour those who lost their battle with addiction, not to blame them; to take something positive and good from their loss, not to condemn them.  It sends a message to everyone in our communities that this issue is serious, and it is a problem we all share. 

So, what is stopping our communities from having an honest dialogue on addictions? Education and awareness can lead to community solutions and healing.  But this alone won’t stop it. What else needs to be done? Who in your community will see this as a call to action?  Who is willing to show up for those who can’t?  Don’t wait for someone else to do it because if not you, who then?  If not now, when? Get back to the land and create a generation of sober people. break the cycle of addictions. Fight for sobriety.