From the Shores of the Ottawa River

We are the quantum matter of the universe, which makes us one as well as brothers and sisters. I wish everyone could really understand just how heavy that is because then there’d be no more hate towards one another  .   I will never stop loving my brothers and sisters.

This song makes me appreciate my brothers and reminds me to treasure them.  I was raised with ten brothers, and a nephew who is like my brother, and now I have  four brothers left.  Peter, Freddy, Jimmy, Ronnie, and my nephew Donald.  My brother Roger passed last December 2023.

I have many memories of my older brother Freddy.   I remember him visiting me in Charles Camsell Hospital in Edmonton, Alberta when  I was in hospital at the time he was in high school being billeted in Edmonton. He advocated on my behalf to ensure I was being care for properly, he got to know the chief doctor, Dr. Singh very well.    Freddy treated me with respect and accepted me the way I am.

He is funny too.  Once when I was living with him in Fort Chipewyan; he came home after getting a loan for his business.  He had lots of new crisp money. More money than I ever saw, but then I was just a kid. He proceeded to throw the money on the bed and told me to play in the money. I started jumping up and down on it.  He stood there laughing while I rolled all over the money.   Crazy what we remember as kids! But most of all I remember his tenderness and a twinkle in his eyes.

He’s also a complex man. Freddy is a kind, a charismatic man.  He loves history and mathematics and became an engineer.  But  he has strong views on politics and family, which we sometimes disagree on.  In fact, I like that we can disagree on something and moments later he will tell me a joke. 

He came to my aid when I was working for a political organization.  He was on the board of directors.  He defended me and protected my job.  However, because of his rank as one of the older brothers, he often gave unsolicited advice, too which made some of our siblings feel less than and not being able to live up to his expectations of them, which created animosity. We nicknamed him head honcho of the family.  He always felt the need he to take control in family situations.

His favorite saying to me is: “Don’t say I know!”  And, I would say, I know.  He gave me that cheeky smile of his. .  I like that he does not hold grudges indeed his smile can be disarming. LOL. 

He is an enigma. I believe there is a logical reason for his bad choices. He is my big brother and as a child I had immense respect for him, and I still do. Because I knew of a  brain injury he had as a child he is not fully in control of his  mental faculties, and I always knew that. Most people  do not appreciate how a brain injuries can have lifelong impact on a person. Even if they when they are educated .

When he was a young boy, he jumped on the back of a moving school bus and fell, and had to have a plate put into his head.   I believe his brain injury damaged his executive functioning, the part of the brain that holds reasoning and consequences.

He began taking risks, for example walking on his hands on pipes 25 feet above jagged rocks, and swimming in lake Athabasca in an area with a riptide and strong undertow.   He was involved in overdrinking. Even in his marriage he made questionable choices.  As an adult, he refused to take medication for high blood pressure, and would counsel others to not take their medication. 

As he is getting older, he became more challenging. He would leave his home early in the morning not telling anybody where he was going, not and not eating properly. He  would not listen to anyone, doctors’ nurses, his sisters,  his wife  or his sons. Unfortunately, out of necessity and  for his own safety his family is considering placing him in a long term care home, particularly because he is beginning to experience memory issues.

Freddy speaks Denesuline fluently. He trapped with our dad . He does not have a mean bone in his body and he is not malicious or hateful. A few months ago, he said to me, when I asked him how he was doing.  He said:  “You’ll  understand when you get there.”  It puzzled me and I said: “Where are you going?” He responded:  You’re the youngest and much younger than us, when you get older your body starts to fall apart.” He said: “When it’s my time to go let me go.  I’ve lived my life.”  I said: “I will never let you go.   You’re my brother and I love you.”  was my response he softly laughed knowing I would not change my mind.