From the Shores of the Ottawa River

 When you know, you know!

“I’m on my way, it’s you I turn to
How many days have I to love you
I got to say this is inside me
I’ve got to have someone to guide me
Hate it when you leave, hate it when you leave
Hate it when you’re leaving me– Keith Richards

 Every year I write on our anniversary about how this whirlwind courtship resulted in marriage only two months after our first date.  Did our friends and family think we were crazy? Absolutely! One such friend recently remarked wow, you guys made it! The first gift Alan gave me was a Keith Richards CD. I played it daily. We had a long distance relationship, and playing Keith made me feel closer to him  

Today, I write about the lessons in 30 years of marriage to this incredible man, Alan Pratt has taught me.

The following scratches the surface of the magic that is my life with this incredibly soulmate that I am privileged to call my husband.   He is my touchstone. We have an amazing son, Andrew who I see has inherit his character, dry sense of humor and brilliance. 

Early in the marriage I learned acceptance and patience. I recall feeling insecure at times. especially when I found my husband had a wandering eye,  for ladies in short skirts.   However, I never doubted or felt insecure about my intelligence, and who I was as a woman.  

Before I got married, I was an independent single parent, owned my home, drove a Mercedes, and had a great position doing meaningful work that I loved, and I had no debt. And I had traveled to exotic parts of the world Australia, Paris, Hawaii, Jakarta to name a few. I enjoyed the finer things in life. Frankly, at the time of our first encounter at a law conference in Ottawa I was not looking for a relationship. I enjoyed my independence. I was fiercely independent with a strong will to match. 

1. The first lesson I learned is when you know in your heart you have met your soulmate there is no reason to wait. It is quite possible I fell in love with him the first afternoon we met, and that love deepened over dinner a few months later.   He was charming, funny, kind, caring, witty, and a good conversationalist. 
2. I could always count on him for his perspective and advice. He is not a jock but makes up for that with his intelligence and compassion.
3. On our honeymoon to Venezuela, I discovered that he is not a planner, he did not make reservations for dinner on New Year’s Eve, and we spent the evening walking around as fireworks created havoc around us.  I didn’t mind being the planer for special occasions. 
4. He does not cook but doesn’t mind cleaning up after dinner, in fact he doesn’t mind doing the dirty work, like cleaning up puppy vomit or poop, these things never bothered him, I on the other hand couldn’t.
5. He is a hard worker and patient; he spends his days looking for fresh legal approach on files that take decades to resolve.  He has a skill diffusing conflict.
6.  But he avoids personal confrontation, and I discovered when and how to bring up a difficult matter.
7. He is sensitive and his mind goes to the worst scenarios, and that he is being attacked. I learned early in the marriage that it was cruel to jump into my car and drive away when we had an argument because he thought I wouldn’t come back.
8. I have learned to let the small stuff go and look at the bigger picture, he said to me at the beginning of the marriage during an argument I should get perspective and it stuck with me. I don’t remember what the argument was about, and it doesn’t matter.
9. My most noteworthy discovery is I never was inclined to change anything about him because he is quite literally the man of my dreams, A wild man with sensitivity, authenticity, and integrity.  Here is to the next 30 years