From the Shores of the Ottawa River

 Can  We Talk?

From the time we are born society  imposes expectations on our behavior.  2-year-olds are often described when they misbehave in public as throwing a tantrum, after all that’s expected of  a 2-year-old, and it is tolerated.     Societal  has other expectations  for our relationships.

For example, being raised in an Indigenous family I knew  better  than to  talk back to my parents.  It was expected of me to behave respectfully, and I did.

Once, I decided to  start swearing because everyone around me was doing it,  and I thought it would make me look mature. My sister, Rose said stop it, you sound weird. Lol  Needless to say, talking like a truck driver was short lived for me. 

In this Century  it is  accepted to behave passive aggressively., because Texting, and social media make it possible.    Technology  enables communication without being face to face  and it   also made it easier to behave in a manner you wouldn’t if you are face to face with someone.    Blocking others in a fit of anger,  and treating  each other like petulant children, personally, it is not for me. The justification  most often for this behavior is   about creating safe boundaries. I don’t prescribe to a passive aggressive approach because  I experienced it.   There are  other  mature ways to address boundaries  issues without taking an extreme  step of blocking someone.  Moreover, this behavior ,  is often directed towards  loved ones or family!

   When you block someone, communication is cut off from both sides. The person who is blocked cannot ask for an explanation. They are simply ghosted and have no way to correct a problem.  When it happened to me, I felt powerless, maybe that is the point.  I cannot pinpoint when  phoning  someone became out of fashion.  Many conflicts could be resolved by talking. You can even use zoom if distance is an issue.

 It is disappointing that we are in time where we think the best approach to  resolve conflict is to stop all communication.  Perhaps it is the only way to assert  one’s power over someone. But it is weak. Like when I decided swearing would make me look mature, it  actually did the opposite  and made me look immature. 

Consider another approach to establishing healthy boundaries that don’t make others feel powerless or like a child being given a time out.  Try expressing clearly what you’re willing to accept. Hold your position and create consequences if  it is breached. Everyone should be aware of the rules.