From the Shores of the Ottawa River

I am a former residential school student. Overall, my experience was uneventful, in that I had no trauma but also no major excitement. A favorite memory is when we went to Dorey lake for the weekend. It was exciting to play in the hills and to be outdoors in nature. I wonder at times if the nuns that took us ever thought about the impact they had on us, by allowing us sanctuary to be kids. Sadly, not all residential students had the same experience.  I am grateful I was spared abuses for whatever reason.

I credit my childhood for my resilience and tenacity.  I didn’t have to overcome trauma, but I experienced excruciating physical pain when I had to recover from a childhood disease, which  made me tough, despite the limitations it left me with.   And this served me well over the years.

I never experienced any trauma: sure, we were poor, but never starving. I emerged from my childhood essentially unscathed, feeling loved.  

I tend to view my world positively. I look for the good in others and I often will not go to the worst-case scenario when things don’t occur as I hoped.  

Unfortunately, not everyone I know had that kind of childhood, even in my immediate family. Recently I had a conversation with someone who for most of her life felt unloved and discarded by the very people who should have cherished and loved her. All I could do is imagine her as little girl who only wanted comfort and to be loved and my heart went out to her. It must be challenging to go through life feeling “less than.”  

It is important to note that none of us know what experience anyone else had, even in the same family.

Our perception creates context, which is completely different for each of us, because we are all separate beings. Our childhood experiences, good or bad are how we created context and make sense of our world.  We begin to view the world through a lens from our experiences as a child. Essentially what I’m saying is that your adult life is being run by an emotional, traumatized child. You are reacting to your world instinctively from the viewpoint of this child who maybe felt unloved.

How do you move from that perspective?  Consider and notice what is behind your reactions

• You put in a call to someone, and they don’t call you back. Do you think that person doesn’t like me or is mad at me.  Or do you think, like many of us, that person is busy, and you put in another call. Notice how you feel when you think they are busy and it’s not personal that they didn’t return your call yet.
• You are waiting in line to be serviced and people are being attended to while you wait. Do you think it’s because I’m Indigenous, and they must be racist?  What is the child’s voice in your head?  Or do you think, I have not been seen yet but it’s not personal, you go up to the front and say I’ve been waiting for 20 minutes maybe you didn’t see me? OK, notice the shift and how you feel when you realize it is not personal. Does it feel empowering?
• You live with someone who corrects your pronunciation of Dene, do you make that to mean you are stupid, or less than?  Or do you think I’m so glad they corrected me, because it helps me avoid future embarrassment, and I am open to being corrected and to learn.
• A family member disrespects you and calls you names. What does the voice in your head say to you, that you are unlovable? You don’t matter? Does it confirm what the voice is already telling you? Instead, consider the possibility the person has had a bad day and it has nothing to do with you. 

What I am trying to illustrate is that things happen, and we give it meaning from the lens of when we were a hurt child.  I invite you to discover for yourself how to override the voice in your head to a more powerful voice that makes you feel empowered.  This is something only you can achieve when you observe your reaction to things that annoy or upset you. and question why am I behaving like this? You’ve got this.  Only you can make you feel unloved, less than, or invisible. Just change your perspective to be free of your past.