From the Shores of the Ottawa River

Here is an interesting fact about me, I have aphantasia, which means I cannot form images in my mind of objects that are not in front of me. When I close my eyes and try to imagine an image, all I’m left with is a blank slate, nothing but my feelings.  

The ability to create images in your mind is an ability that at least 99% of the population take for granted because they don’t know there are people like me who can’t form an image in my mind, just as I had no idea that most humans could form images in their minds. But I also discovered a nephew also has aphantasia. What are the odds, two in my family?

I only discovered I had aphantasia 3 years ago and this realization blew my mind.

Because I can’t rely on visual images in my mind, I can’t recall a visual image of people’s faces or places I’ve been my felt perception is enhanced. I feel deeply. It is difficult to explain other than it is an energetic feeling. I recall the first time I went to Jakarta, Indonesia during Ramadan. It made an impression of living in a movie with the soundtrack of Muslims chanting and prayer stemming from the speakers. It was incredible! Or when we were in Fiji, I was in the water reading a local newspaper that had an article of my boss from Canada. It was weird. It seemed like a different life.

I have a picture of my late older brother Samuel Rossi on my iPhone because I cannot create an image of him in my mind, I can however bring up the feelings I had when he was with me. I feel his smile and laughter. I can bring up how surprised and happy I felt when he showed up at my door to surprise me a year before his passing.

When I discovered this about myself, it made a lot of sense. It is the reason my sense of felt perception is so developed, yet I can’t’ follow a map. LOL!

 As a writer, I draw from my memory of felt perception.   I am intrigued. This is is uniquely me. Knowing this about myself started me on a journey of self discovery.

In 2021 I began  a remarkable journey of growth and transformation after enrolling in a leadership course with Unstoppable Conversations.  Thank you, Tony Kevin, Vik, and Tanyss. I have continued the journey enrolling in several different courses in the last couple of years.

I am discovering how to show up in my life at large by letting go of my ego and fear, and furthermore forgiving people who I held stories  about who in some way hurt me, in my mind.  Discovering my limiting beliefs helped me be a better person.

I discovered that words like integrity and authenticity matter.  I discovered how to recognize when I am not aligned with my actions and integrity . 

I also discovered that people’s unexpressed expectations of me are mine to fulfill. That concept, I admit, was difficult to comprehend! How could I be responsible for others’ expectations of me if they don’t tell me!  

As an example, as a wife my husband needn’t express to me how my loyalty and support is something he might expect.  As a mother, my children’s unexpressed expectation that I will always put their well-being ahead of mine and I will put them as my priority is a given .

And my friends have a right to expect loyalty, and honesty, and that I follow through on my word.

After graduating twice from Being A Leader I created a context that included what is possible for me to step into a created life with purpose, something bigger than me, to serve others. This was a game changer.  I founded a charitable Foundation to transform lives, Seventhgift.ca. I also started the Empathic Witness Podcast with Angelina.  Imagine a world created without obstacles or limiting beliefs holding us back because of fear of the unknown. 

The biggest breakthrough for me was the discovery that I didn’t have to be right and that if I was open to possibilities, it would allow me to see choices that would not otherwise be obvious.  The discovery that I had aphantasia allowed me to be accepting and understand who I am. More importantly it gave me insight to the fact that we never know what other people’s limitations or special gifts are, because we don’t know what we don’t know. At the sametime being open-minded revealed a pathway to some amazing self discoveries.