From the Shores of the Ottawa River

 We must work on our relationships to experience freedom. There is no relationship that can’t be restored with effort and when we give up our ego, and meet each other soul to soul soul.

Think about that difficult phone call you made to someone you have had a breakdown in your relationship with and how it positively impacted your relationship.    I have initiated number of these calls in the past I restored my relationship with an older brother months before his passing his last text to me was thank you baby sister.  It meant a lot to read his text. 

When I called, my friend I was nervous and afraid and she was incredibly generous, and authentic. We had a powerful conversation.  I’ve since discovered our time together is limited.  Every day since I appreciate her more each day.

I wish for you to experience this Christmas a new possibility in your relationships. It might be with your brother, a sister, cousin, nephew, niece, boss, partner, grandchildren or aunt.

  Making a difficult choice came with the best reward I could wish. But I had to lean into my bravery to do realize the reward. That meant I had to risk rejection.  And it was worth it.  We both felt the conversation although difficult, restored balance in our relationship.

That said, sometimes the process must be repeated many times. Don’t give up.  

People hold on to grudges and choose this mountain to die on, “I am Right”.  Three words so powerful it kills relationships. To be right people will stop all communication, even in the face of the other party trying to reach out, sometimes, regretfully.  I’ve been suborn holding a on to a grudge, but I’ve also been the other party reaching out to re-establish a connection.  

Below, I write what people might say about one another when there is a breakdown in their relationship.  

To that point, I am aware of things have been said about me behind my back too.  I know that I have hurt people with my words and actions.  The impact of my actions are that I lose the respect and love of people closest to me. The impact on them is they believe I am untrustworthy, and fake. Because of my actions it may make it difficult for them to trust other people in my family.  I am willing to rebuild their trust in me if they allow me the privilege.

Three people I regret hurting and lost their respect and love are a niece a nephew, and a very close friend.  I mentioned I restored my friendship with my friend above. With my nephew and niece, it is still a work in progress. I am waiting for a call back from both.  I will never stop trying to recreate what we once had with them, I feel their loss in my life deeply.

look honestly at the following points and see if you recognize if you said this about someone. Change them to a positive statement towards the person you are having a challenging relationship with. And I dare you to call them, begin with I saw you as___________________________

But I come to discovered   you are__________________________

1. He/She /Them/They don’t notice when they hurt people with their actions
2. 2.He/She/ Them/They think they’re better than everyone
3. 3.He/She /Them/They are greedy
4. 5.He/She /Them/They can’t be trusted
5. 7.He/She /Them/ use bad medicine to get what they wanted
6. He/She /Them/They interfere in my life uninvited
7. He/She /Them/They I can’t do anything right in their eyes
8. 11. He/She /Them/They are untrustworthy
9. 12. He/She /Them/They gossip and spread lies
10. He/She /Them/They have no compassion or empathy
11. I don’ want them in my life because ___________________________

People stubbornly get more entrenched in their behavior because they feel justified, in being right.   It must look like there are no new possibilities in that relationship and they decide the effort is too much to restore their relationship. 

Fortunately, I discovered there is always a possibility for a renewed relationship when you lean into being brave and are willing to change your perspective.

The question becomes is it necessary to forgive someone to reset your relationship? Discover for yourself after you do the exercise.  

I challenge you to make 2023 a year where you clean up your relationships with the people you have the most difficulty with. Follow the steps.

1. Recognize the story you are telling about the person is not serving you.
2.  Rewrite all the negative statements you say about that person with positive statements, be willing to let go of the hurt and being right.
3. Call That person if they don’t pick upkeep trying. 
4.  Ask How is your behavior preventing you from having allies

Ask yourself what is stopping you from initiating contact with that person? Maybe that person is me?  I am willing to restore our relationship so what is holding you back from reaching out to me?