life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you’re not free” -Peter Crone AKA the mind architect. “Nothing is either good or bad it is thinking that makes it so”- William Shakespeare.
If you have been following me you will know most of my insights, come from podcast, reading, and listening to music. As much as possible my interaction on social media is about things I have learnt. I see some value in it, and I like to share that information with others.
It’s a human condition to get triggered when we feel we have been wronged. Have you ever considered why we get upset?
I believe It is our unresolved trauma, and how we reacted to that trauma that sets us in motion for the rest of our life to react with a bias stemming from the initial trauma and what we meant that incident to mean about ourselves. “I am not good enough”, “I am not smart enough”, Can you see how disempowering these phrases are? You created it. And you can remove it.
When his wife forgot to pick him up at the airport, a famous trauma physician, meant it to mean she abandoned him , and how dare she forget him. He was an important doctor after all. He knew why he was upset. And, yet, it took him days of passive aggressive behavior aimed at his wife before he calmed down. It is difficult to manage an upset even when you have knowledge and insight on trauma and human behavior.
When I get upset, I look at why I got upset . What is this event , or person teaching me? Often it teaches me humility and to reassess my perspective. The truth is it didn’t happen overnight for me to reach this point. It took many years of meditation. And with a Buddhist philosophy, not to mention my own Dene worldview to help me understand my human condition and ego. I still get triggered . I, process what happened and considered the problem is not anyone else but my perspective. I try not to take things personally, because the fact is I,’m doing the hurting to myself. No one to blame but myself. Mike dropped!
A friend once asked me do you want to be right or happy? Taking the position to look at myself canl cultivate compassion for the person I feel did me wrong. And Considering this question will often make me choose happiness over being right. Indeed, It is not always easy being human forgive yourself get out of your head and move on.
I can either see myself as a victim or 100% responsible. I can decide what my reaction will be. I can choose to be upset or I can be introspective and look at myself. I give meaning good or bad to what happened. I get it is Because the upset comes from me, that I can change it. It is a powerful worldview.
A personal example is I put in a call to someone, and that person didn’t call me back. I make it mean all sorts of things. That person didn’t like me, that person is mad at me. The truth could be the person never got my message. I created the entire upset for myself by my interpretation of not getting a call back. It is easy to fall into this trap because we are human, and we want to be right. Consider for a moment how your life could change if you stop needing to be right. We set limitations in our life and our perspective reinforces this limitation so we can be right. Stop blaming others for being upset or hurt.
We must take 100% responsibility for our response and actions. Don’t let your happiness depends on what actions you think others need to do for you to be happy. It is an irrational position because we have no power to change others’ behavior, only our own. To Understand this and apply it to our relationships in business and with friends and family will give us peace and freedom. By asking yourself do you want to be right or happy is a good place to start to get your power back and stop being a victim.
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