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Join Our Diverse Tribe: Fostering Engagement and Authenticity
OUT OF THE BOX ENGAGEMENT
In 2018 I created a group on Facebook named “We Belong”.
You may have wondered what is this group about, and what is the purpose of this group?
Thank you those who have joined me after I invited you, trusting me and accepting my invitation to join this group even when my intention for the group was less than clear.
The idea of this group came to me after listening to Author Radha Agrawal’s podcast about social connections, essentially, we as humans seek authentic social connections with others. We not only seek these connections it is important for our mental and physical health to have healthy relationships. Facebook, we have been led to believe would facilitate this connection. However, we started using it more artificially.
Furthermore, I have found that Facebook does not meet our need for this connection and a feeling of belonging, except when we get a DM. Social media is designed for more superficial entertainment use and to collect personal information. Instead of connecting us. It has created more isolation and dissatisfaction in our lives.
And more generally other social platforms have not found a way to engage each other instead we are having parallel conversations. Like ships passing each other in the night. I had a look at my friends and realized I have some awesome friends I have a tribe, I have a community and decided to bring them altogether in one place where we can design a community that works for us. My rational for creating a virtual community is due to my frustration of social media.
I am the administer of several groups. I use social platforms like twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. None of these platforms satisfy my need to connect. I find them superficial. Each of them ends up being pretty much the same as my personal Facebook page, in that people are not engaging with me on a deep authentic level. Perhaps they like a certain post but often will not contribute any more than a thumbs up. People post pictures, recap travel where they’ve gone, where they ate, and that is all good, but I’m looking for something more I am looking for serious conversations that are inspiring and thought provoking. Something more you.
For example, at dinner with a couple of friends our dinner conversation was electrifying and engaging. We discussed youth incarceration, restorative justice, the judicial system, and whether it was helpful in reforming criminals? The overcrowded penitentiaries and the impact of those on reforming criminals. We discussed healing lodge as a mechanism for reforming criminals who committed serious offenses. We discussed the cycle of alcohol on generations, how the youth are impacted by this trend. We discussed how youth are place in same prisons as harden adult criminals. Because once you were over the age of 18 you are treated as an adult and therefore will be placed with other adults. one of the examples discussed was how a stupid action while under the influence can change the trajectory of one’s life. We discussed how incarceration does very little to reform a person or even deter repeat offenders. The subject is serious and impacts our society. Of course, our conversation really didn’t resolve the questions, however you never know where such conversation will lead in the future as it percolates in the mind. Perhaps deep conversations like these can only happen face to face, but if we give this group a chance, I believe it can happen here as well.
The invitation Letter I sent to a few friends 6 years ago to join We Belong.
When I first started this group that each of you was carefully considered before I added you. I was looking for a compassionate person, an intellectual, a person with varied interest, a well-read person.I was looking for people who will make this group engaging, who would be authentic and have the highest integrity in their word and ensure that whatever they post will be inclusive and respectful. I believe each of you have some of these qualities. If I am correct in my assumption that you too are dissatisfied with your experience on social media, then I made the right choice to add you to this founding group.
What I would need from you is your word that you would be an active participant in the group. That you would be respectful, and kind in your responses. My promise to you is that I will facilitate and moderate the conversations and ensure that participants remain authentic, respectful, and helpful. I will ensure to keep this a safe place for sharing of ideas. Like the conversation over dinner last evening, we were able to discuss some very serious topic without it degrading to personal attacks but instead added value to the overall conversation.
Is this something you are interested and being part of? if yes, I am pleased to provide this forum for you. If not, – if this is too serious of a group, too intellectual, you can leave the group and I will not be offended. This is not for everyone. Because sometimes all we really want is to be entertained and there is nothing wrong with that.
I promised you is that I will facilitate, monitor conversations to ensure participants remain authentic and keep this a safe place for everyone. I have fulfilled my promise to the group, this is a safe place.
We can reset this group to realize my aspiration to feel connected. The key to it succeeding will be directly correlated to your participation! Which is why I carefully picked the first group of people keeping in mind how each of you will respond and to set the tone for the group. I value each one of you in the group and your opinion matters. I want to learn from you.
TOPICS can be introduced by anyone, provide a short synopsis with the question. Subject areas can be identified like health, books, neurology, philosophy, spiritual, psychology, relationships, food, medicine, culture, politics, religion you can introduce any subject if it is respectful and not offensive to anyone.
Racism and inciting hate will not be tolerated, and you will be requested to leave the group. I will make every effort to not control the dialogue, only facilitate and moderate.
I, honestly, I didn’t think of specific details of how this will work. I do know that I want to continue my daily meditation insights which I post on Instagram, twitter and sometimes my personal Facebook page. I have received feedback from many of you who have indicated you enjoy reading them. I see the insights as setting a tone for the group daily.
Having said the above, if you have any ideas of how this could work, how you want it to work, I welcome your remarks and we can design this with your input.
My intention is to create a community of like-minded people who are interested in having a real connection with each other. The goal is to meet our need for real social connections. We can work out the details as we go along. Now there are no hard and fast rules. The experiment was to see if we can override our automatic reactions and default reactions in response to what others post. Like distrusting others or being too shy to comment. Essentially, it is to create a new paradigm, a shift in how we relate on social media. This is a social experiment and I have no idea if it will work, or if this is the right platform, I am interested to see where it will go. If I find it is not working, I will let you know before I delete the group.
In my tribe we have CEO’s, lawyers, doctors. Artist, Indigenous elders, professors of law, and social work. Indigenous leaders, authors, people who participate at the UN on human rights. Students, Environmentalists, people who are concerned about the impact of our actions on the environment. And, in a word, game changers, innovators, thought provoker’s, some of you I known personally, and we connect on many levels, we have shared a meal, tea, and pleasant conversations. I like the idea of having you all meet each other for this experiment, and we will see where this leads us. Welcome to my tribe!
The first questions I posted to the group is if you oversaw the world what type of community you would create, keep in mind that this is a virtual community and now we have members from all over the globe. In this group, I hope that members would feel comfortable meeting each other in the real world. What would your values and goals be? Who would you invite? No one replied. It has been 6 years since I created this group, is it useful to you, or should I delete it?
Over the last six years I have posted on
- The weather
- loss and grief
- dementia and support
- Climate change
- I posted a link to my podcast to listen to conversations with ordinary inspiring people
- Happiness
- Sleep hygiene
- My Health
- Visitors
- Friends and family visiting
- Life on the river
Ottawa River -
THE FAMILY I CHOOSE
family picnic in an Edmonton park. The saying goes that we don’t pick our family, but we do pick our friends. I question that!
Sisters
L to RIGHT Dora, Rose, Liz, me, Mary, Annie 2016 Cahiron
Said another way, I believe that our soul, our true essence, picks the family we are meant to be born into and we decide how living within our family can help us to show up powerfully in life. You can be either a victim or a warrior. Further, I also believe I picked the best time to be born. I feel fortunate to be part of a family who shaped my character.
As Indigenous people, we are an extension of the natural world. There is a saying that we on some level pick the family we are born into from the spiritual realm before we are born. And I reflect on what being a Deranger teaches me. I am guided and inspired by my family and the lessons I am taught helps me move through life with grace.
As an Indigenous person, I believe that our genetic code and both the impacts of trauma and our challenges are transferred to us over seven generations. And in each generation we overcome weakness and learn lessons in this life. Which begs the question, why did I pick this family?
That said the study of astrology does point to something called cahiron, which are the lessons we are meant to learn in this life. Have you ever heard about an old soul; some people who appear to have lived many lives? The Buddhists believe we are reborn until we learn the answer to our suffering. It is our karma until the lesson is learnt.
Reasons
Taking this perspective as I do, gives me strength in how I respond to my life .
I chose the Deranger family. Instead of thinking it was random that I was born into this extraordinary family. Because it puts me in powerful position in that nothing in my life is done to me.
When I start from the position I choose everything in my life, even my family, means I don’t have room to blame anyone for how life treats me. I must learn from my experiences.
Background
Coming from a large Indigenous family, we were not wealthy in material things. However, we have something far greater, we have the guidance and protection of our ancestors. We have family who are caring, and lighthearted. My family taught me to be confident in my own skin.
Isidore Deranger my dad 1909-1992 Context
Deranger Family
My chosen family (of 16 children) in a Dene Indigenous family lived in Northern Saskatchewan before I was born. They lived in Uranium City (where I was born), then moved to Fort Chipewyan, and Fort Mcmurray in Alberta. In Fort Chipewyan we lived In a small hamlet without electricity or plumbing, with a mixed population of Dene, Cree, Métis, and people of European origin.
Let this sink in. I was raised with ten brothers, five sisters and our two parents in a one-room log cabin before we moved into a bigger house.
By and large it was a Roman Catholic household, but thankfully, my father Isidore was deeply rooted in our Denesuline culture of natural laws of nature. We are connected to our ancestral lands. My late brother Pat’s ashes were buried on our land, Denekizi. And the ashes of my late brother Roger, who passed on December 7, 2024 (incidentally my birthday) will be spread there this summer.
The final resting place of elder brother Pat Deranger (1951 – 2019). RIP The distinction between our worldview and that of the colonizers is the notion of good and evil, because within an Indigenous worldview there is no such thing as good or evil, heaven or hell, sin, or sinners. These do not exist in our reality. This is a Roman Catholic church construct designed to control their congregation.
Little me in front of our log cabin in Uranium City After all, we don’t ascribe sins to flowers, birds and other wildlife. The RC believes that a newborn is already a sinner, We exist like nature. in nature, and we are interconnected, and interdependent on one another. That is the Indigenous wouldview.
Recently my older brother Jimmy said, our culture is tied to the caribou, and our language. We were nomadic peoples. It is vital that we speak our Dene language, think first in Dene, he says. We Dene continue to utilize our traditional lands in all direction. And we always give offerings to the land and water.
When my ancestors hunted, fished or trapped they thanked the wildlife for giving their life for our food and we shared our food with our community. Our connection to the land is sacred.
The language we spoke at home is Chipewyan (Denesuline), a Dene dialect. My father was a hunter and trapper, and my mother made beautiful beaded Dene jackets, gloves, and moccasins for the family.
The last jacket my mom made for my son, Andrew There are no words to describe how I feel about this family, other than it is a blessing to be on this journey with my siblings and as one of the youngest, and the youngest female. I have always felt cherished and protected by my family.
I am truly blessed. There are a wealth of lessons to be learned growing up in a large Indigenous family of acceptance, compromise, and diplomacy, which led to me being tenacious with an unwavering spirit.
Our mother was a complex person. She was both firm but could be flexible. She was incredibly demanding and determined. But she was also generous, caring, and funny. Even though we had a full house she made room for other children who needed a safe place.
My mom, older brother Rossi (1957-2016) and me In turn, I stood for being the best daughter I could be for her, as I matured. I loved her unconditionally. Each time I thought of her, my heart would fill with pure joy and love for her. Even now 8 years after her passing I feel the love I have for her. I can honestly say that we’ve had an extraordinary relationship. I saw everything she did through the lense of my love for her and her love for all of us.
My mom’s likeness done by artist Margaret Ferraro. com 
My mom Therese Deranger (1919-2016) The lessons I learned from my Deranger family are
- Speak up when an injustice occurs — which is why my career was in Indigenous land claims.
- Love unconditionally
- Don’t be afraid to take risks
- Accept the knowledge link to our ancestors is strong and they are always close beside us helping and protecting us
- Remember the words of the elders
- Respect all living beings
- Show up in life, listen and be present
6 generations matriarch 
My oldest brother Peter (left) and my late brother Roger (right) (Denekizi) 
Our traditional land – home of Dene Kizi Academy Land based teachings 
Dene Kizi Academy 2022 
Future traditional knowledge keepers 
Mom and sons and other male descendants on her 90th birthday. -
Life peppered with Gratitude is a life worth living
On the Ottawa River on a friend’s boat Being happy means living your best life and not being afraid that others see it.
legends say that hummingbirds float free of time carrying our hopes for love, Joy and celebration. The hummingbird’s delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, and every personal connection has meaning. laughter is life’s sweetest creation.
Being authentic, is not always the easy, Being happy means living my best life and not being afraid to let others see me.
Recently someone asked what I do. I responded I am a writer, a blogger she asked are you an influencer. I said no, I’m not an influencer, however I do have a blog and I am the host of Empathetic Witness Podcast with Angelina. If I inspire others to live their best life it makes me happy.
The moments of my life are not staged for social media. Gratitude highlights the positive in my life, and happiness is being present for those moments.
You, and only you, decide how you will react to situations either of your own doing or someone else’s actions. You decide how you will react . It is simple. Don’t make it complicated. If you want to be happy, you can be because you’re in charge of your feelings. all it takes is a change in perspective.
Some situations will take more effort on your part, like a muscle you need to exercise. Remind yourself when you notice your reaction can either hurt or give you peace and change the story.
For example, A regret I had years ago when I did not support a friend, and I felt she felt betrayed by my actions. I later called her to apologize. She understood why behaved as I did, and she said she was okay. A big-hearted response, and it changed my story of the event. I realized in that moment that it was my own perspective that was making me feel badly.
Being 100% authentic, may not always be the easiest route to take. I am grateful to have family who are not afraid to have a good belly laugh and live life not taking themselves too seriously.
My cousin 
My sisters! 
My sisters enjoying a joke! -
Navigating Life
Ottawa River I’m sharing something very personal, a challenging situation I have had most of my life, because I hope that both my struggles and my insights may be of use to you in your life, in some way. In fact, This by far, is the most vulnerable thing I’ve ever shared on a social media platform in the hopes that something about my journey will support you on yours.
For those of you who don’t know, I am a blog writer, podcaster, and the founder of a charitable foundation, seventhgift.ca I’ve held executive positions most of my career.
I had poliomyelitis (polio) as a child, shortly after I started walking. I know that a lot of folks might not know much about polio because it’s been nearly eradicated over the last 65 years. But as a child when I got hit with it, polio was one of the most feared diseases on the planet. You might even question, how I got polio when the polio vaccine was available before I was even born. I am Indigenous; and my parents lived in an Indigenous community. Need I say more?
In those years, polio was killing thousands of children worldwide every summer and paralyzing tens of thousands more. The numbers were in the millions.
We can celebrate that rates of polio have dropped phenomenally around the world since then. In recent years, there have been only a few hundred cases per year of polio in the entire world, mostly in 3rd world countries like Pakistan and Afghanistan.
I have no memory of the incident except what I’ve been told. One day I was paralyzed, and I couldn’t walk. And after a while, the feeling and movement began slowly to return. But the process of regaining use of my legs was slow, and only after many surgeries I was able to walk again.
In the 60’s and 70’s polio was treated by orthopedic doctors because there was little experience understanding that it affected the motor neurons in the spine. I was fitted with long braces on both legs, but eventually only need a short brace on my left leg.
When I entered adulthood, the prognosis was that I would never walk normally, or run due to weakness and discrepancy in my left leg.
After a partial stroke in 2018 I decided to update my brace. it had been over 20 years since I had a new one.
My stroke doctor, who I respect, referred me to an orthopedic specialist, who refused to give me a prescription for the type of brace I had as a child, one which allowed my ankle to move as I walked. She said that with the weakness in my left leg this brace was not suitable for me. When I allerted my specialist, he said he couldn’t do anything about it. He replied to my email when I brought it to his attention saying:
“This Dr. is my department’s expert in this field and you have been seeing her. I’m not passing the buck, but should not this be going to her?” “
She told me clearly, I will not give you a prescription for the brace you want. What was I to do? I felt defeated. Based on research and decades of experience dealing with my challenges, I was convinced that the current rigid brace she recommended would only create complications for me down the road, as I got older. My research showed that a movable ankle is necessary to lubricate joints in my leg, my knees, and my hips. We are not meant to be in a unmovable brace, it is not natural. In 2023 there must be braces that are supportive and yet allow for some natural movement.
I saw my GP, who fortunately understood what I was asking for and, he provided a prescription for a hybrid brace, a mix of a rigid and movable ankle. The process took me two years and now I have exactly the brace I wanted and needed (see the photo). Indeed, I have captured some independence, I feel as though I’ve got my life back to some degree. I recently saw a professional who confirmed that my hip joints were stiff and not rotating in a natural way. I need to mitigate further damage in my hips, and I believe this brace in part is how to do that.
Developing Post-Polio Syndrome (PPS)
Poliovirus Then and Now
I developed post-polio syndrome, or (PPS) when I was 32, and to that point I had not heard the term despite living so many years with polio. You may never have heard of post-polio syndrome, either, and this is true of most physicians too. A significant percentage of the people who got polio and survived, and particularly those who worked extra hard to achieve things despite having been stricken with the disease, have suffered later in their lives from this condition. To add to the complication of PPS, I suffered a partial stroke during surgery in 2018. I have trouble walking; it is not clear how much is related to stroke or the PPS.
The medical literature says this about PPS. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6371137/
It affects between 25–40% of polio survivors. And unlike polio itself, PPS is not contagious. But PPS is serious. Parts of the body that regain movement after being paralyzed by the original polio can again become paralyzed.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-polio-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20355669
Nearly all polio survivors who develop PPS do so within 15–40 years after their initial polio. When I first noticed symptoms, I was told it was age related and that everybody loses muscle strength. I was 32.
I’m doing the best I can with it, including getting as much exercise as I possibly can, which is a challenge when your legs don’t work well and you worry about falls. I believe in doing all I can with what I’ve got. And, of course I’m doing everything I can that might help me to retain as much quality of life as possible, which is why I fought to get the brace I knew I needed to give me quality of life.
I’m listening, in every moment that I can, for what I can learn and what I can love on this journey. In fact, when I start to feel depressed or start to feel sorry for myself, I will often think about Viktor Frankl and what he endured, and yet he came out on the other side whole . Or I’ll recall some of the things I love. Not just the things I like — that just wouldn’t be enough to shift my energy. But the things and the people I truly love. Like music, reading, writing, and having a purposeful life.
I’m going to be honest. was not all sunshine and roses, especially having to work hard against conventional “expert” medical thinking to get a brace I knew would make my life better. What I have learnt is no matter the challenges, one must look first to give meaning to it, and then move into action to improve their situation. As an Indigenous person I am carried on the backs of my ancestors.
I am my own avocate -
WE ARE NOT GARBAGE; SOMEONE KNOWS SOMETHING And CHOOSES TO REMAIN SILENT
In this blog are my thoughts on the matter of Missing and Murdered Indigenous women in Canada. (MMIW) Caution: reading this blog may be triggering to some.
My intention for writing this blog Is to motivate and inspire you, the reader to want to make a difference in this matter. You might think, how can I make a difference? I have some suggestions below on how you can help. Don’t disappoint me, please. Comment if this topic makes you think or do you remain indifferent.
First, I am an Indigenous woman from northern Alberta. If I went missing, I am confident my family would be concerned and would look for me. Not because I am educated, and a contributing member of society who pays taxes, but because I am a human being, and I matter!
My point is it shouldn’t matter if I were a drug addict, homeless and or earning a six figure income for people to care if get murdered.
My Connection to two victims
I imagine, because of the large number of missing and murdered Indigenous women, there must be several people in Canada who have been touched by either knowing someone who is missing or knowing of someone who is related to someone who is missing or has been murdered.
It is interesting being that I am from a small hamlet of less than 1500 people, and I know TWO Indigenous women who were murdered. A childhood friend first went missing, and then was found murdered in the United States. She was my classmate at Holy Angels Residential school in Fort Chipewyan, Alberta. I remember Sandra as a young girl with a beautiful smile. She was smart too. Years later, I had heard she made some questionable choices in her young life. One summer, she made a fatal mistake. She decided to go hitchhiking into the United States and was not heard from again.
Much later, her family received a call from the RCMP with devastating news that was delivered by phone, not even in person. The officer described how her body was dismembered and disposed of in garbage bags. Her DNA sample was the only way she was identified. Her killer is a person who picked her up and gave her a ride and was never convicted of her murder. Sandra was only 24 years old.
Ms. Amber Tuccaro, whose killer’s voice was heard on a chilling cell phone recording linked above is just one piece in a RCMP investigation, was also from my community, and was the daughter of my older brother’s classmate. We owe it as a society to care and to take some sort of collective action. I challenge everyone reading this blog post to do something. Write the PM’s office and demand he does something about the missing and murdered Canadian Indigenous women and girls. At the very least, share this blog on your social media. Do not underestimate the power you have to make a difference.
If we remain silent, our collective inaction speaks volumes about who we are as a society. The message this sends is loud and clear to me and perhaps to the murderers living freely among us, that Canadian Indigenous women and young girls can be raped, killed, and disposed of like garbage. When did our society become so indifferent to the violence against Indigenous women and girls? That is a rhetorical question because since colonization very little value has been placed upon an Indigenous person’s life.
It must STOP. Where is the outrage?? We need answers! They were human beings, members of our society. We should have protected these Indigenous women.
Sadly, we continue to hear stories of the discovery of missing and murdered Indigenous women and girls in 2023 and it will continue until we change our attitude about Indigenous women .
Are you interested enough to ask the questions?
- Who is doing this to the Canadian Indigenous women and girls?
- How many murderers are walking among us?
- Where are the bodies of these women and girls? If nothing else, we need to put them to rest by finding the bodies and bringing them back to their families for a proper respectful burial.
- How can you help
Consider if someone is murdering women and girls it could be someone you know. Even more of a concern, since this is not an isolated or regional matter, and is happening across Canada. There could be many murderers among us. Many Indigenous women have disappeared on the trail of tears highway in BC.
Recently Canadian serial killer Paul Bernardo has been in the news because he was transferred to a medium security prison. I remember in the 90’s, at least 3 people knew it was Bernardo who was raping and murdering teenage girls. These were Caucasian girls.
It makes me angry that as recent as this week an Indigenous young woman’s body was discovered in a landfill, discarded, like garbage. It is incomprehensible the outrage is only coming from Indigenous communities. It reinforces the belief that there is little value in an Indigenous woman’s life. Am I wrong?
Amber’s dismembered body was found in a ditch in Alberta the summer of 2012, Over 20 years ago, two years after she went missing. RCMP are appealing to the public to identify the voice in a recorded call from a cell phone. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mEeyd1sF6g Her murderer was never found.
A woman’s body was recovered from Winnipeg’s landfill on Monday July 17, 2023, the second in 10 months, with more believed to be buried.
The landfill is currently closed as police continue to investigate after 33-year-old Linda Beardy’s body was discovered at the beginning of the week. It should never be reopened as a landfill. “It should be turned into a memorial site because we know that there is more,” it was reported to CBC Manitoba Information Radio host Marcy Markusa on Thursday. In the context of this society bodies of murdered Indigenous women will be dumped if not this land fill, in other places where it would be as difficult to discover.
The truth is I am at a loss. I realize anger doesn’t help but is it enough to motivate you the reader to do something? What would it take to see a modicum of emotion and compassion about these girls and women from you? Well, to be fair, I do believe you care, how could you not care. However, I am not as sure that the enormity of the situation is really appreciated. Until you have personally experienced a loved one murdered you cannot fully understand the anger, the grief, bargaining and acceptance. Let’s say I was able to reach you and you ask the question what can you do? The first thing you can do is get on social media with the hashtag Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women #MMIW. Share this blog with your network encourage them to get on social media with the hashtag #MMIW.
The question remains, where are they? The conservative numbers of missing and murdered women is over 5,000. If your family member disappeared, what would you do to bring awareness.
What Next?Mr. Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada, does it matter how many more must be reported missing or found pulled from dump sites, having been murdered? The Prime Minister has many priorities, but this must be one of them. The conversation around the discovery in a Manitoba landfill is disgusting, it is about the cost and manpower to continue searching the landfill, so they gave up leaving the enormous task to the Indigenous people. Sadly, I can’t be convinced it were a Settler, a non-Indigenous woman the conversation would be on cost. Nonindigenous women would be concerned that a murder is out there. They would organize themselves so they would be protected and safe. I am afraid the truth is there is virtually no value placed on an Indigenous woman’s life.
Why are the Prime Minister of Canada (PM), Royal Canadian mounted police (RCMP) desensitized to the plight of the surviving families, the parents, the siblings, and the friends of the Indigenous women who have disappeared or been found murdered?
Remember the Pickton murders in BC? Police were informed there may be a serial killer preying on indigenous women from Vancouver’s lower East Side. These concerns fell on deaf ears. It begs the question can Indigenous bodys be more dishonoured, in a landfill or given to pigs to be eaten so the evidence is destroyed. Both are equally disrespectful. Let’s not forget the Gladue case in Alberta. Thankfully, in that case the murder was charged.
In 2014, the Canadian premiers unanimously supported the request for an inquiry. Finding the body of Ms. Tina Fontaine had renewed the call to Mr. Harper then Prime Minister of Canada to call for an inquiry. Still, he remains steadfast against it.
An incomplete list of women and girls who have vanished or been murdered
RCMP Report Missing and Murdered Aboriginal Women
Dr. Sarah Hunt What Should Be Done
Missing and Murdered Aboriginal Women in Canada
Sign the Liberal’s petition calling for a Federal inquiry into Missing and Murdered women
http://youtu.be/dBPo9FgRBj4 Missing and Murdered Aboriginal women in Canada video by grade 11 students.
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The Ugliness Of Social Media
At times, you need to wait to see clearly. Ottawa River affected by forest fires in Quebec It doesn’t matter to me what you believe about politics, religion, or vaccines, or if you are gay, single, or bisexual. I won’t hate you if we disagree. If we’re friends or family, I will look past our differences and look at what we have in common. At the end of the day I can choose to ignore your comments if you don’t agree with me, and get on with my life. You’re free to do the same. So what if you hurt my feelings?
Indeed I might get upset by something you said, but not enough to go to the extreme of disowning you. It has been done to me and I saw it it as an overreaction and it didn’t require the same reaction from me. I won’t play that game. Honestly I tried to get back the relationship, especially with family, (you know who you are). I am human after all, and I have feelings. But, I have moved on.
That said, if I feel you’re open-minded and mature enough to have a debate, I might debate with you. The truth is that no matter what our differences might be, I won’t take your opinion personally because it has nothing to do with me, even if your comments are directed at me. It is merely your opinion. and you have a right to it.
In the wake of the implosion of the Titanic submarine a few weeks ago, social media was flooded with personal opinions. There have been numerous comments on the tragedy and the fallout on social media was swift. Many people have unfriended each other based on what these comments meant to them. To be sure, there were some ugly comments in the news feeds. Emotions were volatile. By and large people held very strong opposing opinions. Mean things were written, and shared widely, largely to people who didn’t even know each other.
I was disappointed to discover even Indigenous peoples joined in the negative conversation. It was mixed with the notion of colonization and the disdain for the uber rich. Many Indigenous peoples see through the lense of colonization. Even celebrations like July 1, or Thanksgiving can seem negative when seen through this lense.
Personally I can separate colonization from the rich throwing caution to the wind to explore. Let’s not forget people died. However, I am thankful there are people brave enough to explore vast oceans, as long as they don’t upset the ecosystem. They are human too and it was their choice. Exploration creates a bigger world, and new discoveries .
Which begs the question, is social media making us inflexible and stupid? Are we becoming more egocentric, in that we believe our opinion matters and is paramount? I think, yes, we are and yes, we most certainly seem to be.
Social media gives us a false sense of courage, and ironically our anonymity online makes us feel important. The fact is that because we are not face to face, looking into the eyes of a person, that we have the courage to espouse our unfiltered and sometime knee jerk reactions to something we have read online . Often without knowing the context, but this can be an act of cowardliness. Furthermore, often we are not held responsible for the fallout that ensues after certain comments are posted. We can simply disappear from the conversation or troll silently following the discussion thread, feeling self-important, and right.
If I were to worry if someone won’t like what I blog about I might never blog at all. I urge you not to give up, exercise your creative outlet to blog.
I give pause when commenting on something I know little about. This is particularly true if I am commenting on something that has struck an emotional cord. Sometimes, I will read something online and say to myself, “OMG!” “idiot”, “Does that person not fact check”, “WTF!”, etc. then, I write a critical and judgmental comment. But I have trained myself to pause and decide whether to delete my comment because my opinion on social media to virtual strangers in the greater scheme of things, does not matter! I say to myself: is it worth my energy to continue?
I like that humanity is culturally diverse with varying points of view. I can’t imagine what this world would look like if everyone thought like me. Well, I can, and it would be awesome!
Overall, if you want a simpler life and keep your blood pressure down, don’t take everything you read on social media as a personal affront to your character, integrity, morals, or ethics. The more you let go of your ego, the freer you are and the less of a jerk you become. And if you are tempted to lash out in haste, it is very therapeutic to write exactly how you are feeling. But take a deep breath and then delete it or share it with a trusted friend. Maybe it will bring you a different perspective!
The foregoing was my opinion and hopefully it was not an affront to anyone who reads it.
Six generations of Indigenous women who never lost themselves on social media. -
Sunday LIVING INTO THE FUTURE
Ottawa River Sunset Over the summer, a technique I learned about in a course was how to live into your future.
We started with setting a date we want to accomplish something, and then you reverse engineer what you hope to accomplish by that date backwards until you reach today’s date.
For example, my friend Wants an organic orchard on his land not too far for from here. He asked me how can he accomplish this using this method? I gave him these steps to follow.
- Create your team. His team is a horticulturist, seed supplier, and a friend who has an orchard near Niagara Falls. He needs at least six members on his team.
- Meet with the team assign tasks and a system for measuring accountability.
- Map what needs to be done each week until you reached the specific date of completion.
- Visualize walking through the orchard look at the details how does the soil underneath your shoes feel is there a scent on the trees. I always have problems with this type of exercise because I have aphantasia, which means I can’t visualize images in my mind, but I can experience the feeling I want. Our brain does not know what is real or imagined, what feeling does a walk through your orchard give you I asked him?
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Inner Peace is in You
Discover Inner Peace 2022 March 13
It was after reading a friend’s Facebook page post it prompted me to write this blog post. Paul is a mediator and his words helped me focus on this piece. Thank you for your wisdom, Paul.
My garden Inner peace comes from a relationship that is based on acceptance, intimacy, and curiosity. Like a garden we need to weed out what does not serve us, and cultivate beauty, resilience,and strength. Sometimes this requires a change in perspective.
The late Zen Master, Thich Hanh Often wrote that peace should not be possessed, it should be a catalyst to help others suffering to discover peace.
As a long time, meditator, I am comfortable exploring my feelings in meditation. To know yourself more fully, explore with wonder each layer of who you are. My meditation practice became a lifeline after a brain injury a few years ago.
In 2018, I was diagnosed with left side neglect ((ischaemic right brain stroke during surgery, which meant at first , my brain could not recognize objects on my left side. I approached my brain injury with curiosity.
This injury led me to change my diet and empowered me to respond to a new version of who I am. I spent many hours researching the brain, reading, and listening to podcasts on neurology.
My first thought was not why me, but how interesting is it that our brain works like this. I was really intrigued. It was not easy but I persevered, and made peace with what happened by understanding what happened in my brain. One can always reconcile a negative event with a positive perspective. It helps the process to have the right question or statements of inquiry that will lead you to peace.
There is no right or wrong way of discovery. You’ll know it when it happens. I have found the key to peace is acceptance. Paul added the following steps, It is not verbatim. Meditate on these statements; to create a new perspective.
- I create my reality (trust). This perspective becomes available once we are aware of cause and effect.
- I am choosing what is happening (trust). Seeing ourselves as being endlessly creative.
- I welcome what is here (accepting our current experience).
- Appreciating physical sensations (intimacy). Appreciating the physical sensations in our body right now invigorates and increases the intensity of what we are experiencing. Think about eating your favorite food. When we slow down and taste each bite we feel more.
- I am the entirety of what I am experiencing (intimacy). What I am experiencing is creating the sense of me.
- Viewing life as being connect to all. (Cause and effect.,we are all connected) A flower does not exist without rain,sun and wind.
- I don’t know what I’m experiencing (Curiosity). Letting go of all ideas and labels about what it is we are experiencing. Looking at life as if we were a newborn baby seeing things for the first time. (wonder)
- I don’t know what I am. Creates space for possibilities.
- I experience a sense of excitement about what is about to happen next. Discovery of endless possibilities.
Discovering your way to a peace is not easy, we all have our own pain, sorrows, and fears. Give yourself time and space to embrace and recognize how you’re suffering. Be compassionate and gentle when,Starting an inquiry to self. However, remember there’s no right or wrong way to do this.
My meditation space/sauna -
Luezan Tue called Our Name
My family were environmentalists well before the term became popularized.
We are Denesuline people, from Northern Saskatchewan. We are strong, proud. Stewards, of Mother Earth. We take this responsibility seriously.
In the 70’s our dad answered the call of the land, and took his older children, to our traditional hunting lands. They hadn’t been back there for over 40 Decades until last summer of 2021. This is my dad’s legacy.
He answered the calling of the traditional lands, Luezan Tue, and inspired four generations to return to Djeskelni. He passed his baton to the next generation. He reaffirmed our sacred connection to the land. Everyone he took back to the land were transformed and carries the calling deep within their spirit.
In August, 2021, a small group of about of 17 family members went back to our land, organized by my nephew, Donald Deranger, who had gone there with Baba in the 1970s. They went to spread my late brother Patrick’s ashes around the lake to fulfill his last wish.It is clear to me that Patrick’s death facilitated a renewed interest back to our traditional land. The family answered the calling to return to the land. It is difficult to deny how powerful this spiritual calling is.
FAMILY MISSION
- Increase the quality of life for seven generations by building upon our rich Denesuline traditional heritage based on being stewards of the land, lending a helping hand, and create business ventures to generate profits and financial independence. Our family embodies Dene cultural tradition the pillars of which is respect, and to honour the teachings of our ancestors.
My family, like most Indigenous families, is complicated, affected by intergenerational trauma of colonialism, and residential school.
We have sometimes temporarily lost sight of family, our connection to each other and the spirit of our traditional lands. We are easily triggered and often will cut off one another from our life.
That said, I adore my Dene family, dysfunctions and all.
I read somewhere when you change the beginning of your story it changes the end of the story.
After I wrote this blog piece I went back and changed the beginning of our story.
I remain hopeful for the next seven generations. That they will continue to answer the call of our traditional lands. I see renewed interest in some of my nephews and nieces. The calling is strong in them, and I am hopeful.
Family Dene Camp 2021 
Djeskelni Bech’anie Decheny’ah Camp, on the south shore of Luezan Tue within the southwest region of the Etthen Edeli dialect region, about 40 miles south of Tu Cho, 
3 generations, my nephew Donald Deranger, his son, and grandchild. 
Sand dunes on our traditional lands 
Older sisters preparing wild meat from our land for the feast. 
Brother-in-law John Mercredi (not at the camp) when you listen closely to Dene drum you hear the heartbeat of the land. Acknowledgment
My brother, Roger for keeping traditional prophecies of the Denesuline alive.
My nephew Donald Deranger for holding the baton for the next generations, and last, but so important, my late brother Patrick, a sacred pipe holder for passing the baton to his daughter when he gave her the sacred responsibility and honour of spreading his ashes on our traditional land.
Patrick Deranger -
2022 striding into the new year with eyes wide open
My intention in 2022 is not about losing weight although I could stand to lose a few pounds, it is not about exercising more. I could do more of that too.
My intention, my goal for 2022 is to not live small, to show up in life because my actions matter and the people in my life deserve to see the very best version of myself, Which is to show up in service to indigenous peoples struggling with addressing their trauma.
The next Being a Leader course starts in January 2022. If your interested in creating the best life for yourself connect with Tanyss Munro tanyssmunro@gmail.com 2022 I will continue my journey of growth and transformation, particularly as it pertains to my foundation Seventh Generation Indigenous Foundation and Training. (G.I.F.T) I’m really excited To be part of a group of extraordinary humans on the foundation. Our vision has capabilities to be a game changer in the delivery of services to indigenous communities across Alberta.
First, I am excited to confirm renowned physician and expert on trauma Dr. Gabor Mate has agreed to support GIFT foundation in the capacity as advisor to our curriculum writers. secondly, we start the new year by inviting additional board members who hold expertise in the areas of psychology, sociology,, law, and curriculum development.
My late dad, Isidore and older brother Fred Deranger -
January 1, 2022!
Living on the river shore is captivating, every day there is something phenomenal happening on the river, the neighbors made a ice rink over the weekend. -
My name is Authenticity
Me, my two granddaughters Years ago, my social worker friend Dr. Bastien and I drove to a First Nations community in Alberta. Along the way she shared with me stories, a loss of her husband when she was in her twenties, her relationship with her mom. She told her stories like it was possible for me to experience. I was touched, moved, and inspired by her words and bravery.
Late Dr. Betty Bastien So ,I decided to enroll in leadership courses, not just any type of leadership course but with Landmark Education because of its transformational curriculum. I continued my quest for self-improvement the years since that drive.
landmark has a huge following it has transformed people’s lives reconnecting them with family some where all communication was cut off. I witnessed these transformations during the forum.
The impact on my life having enrolled in several courses with Landmark Education has been extraordinary. When I first enrolled in landmark I was in university and my relationship with my mom was distant because I held certain beliefs about her that prevented me from opening my heart to the extraordinary woman she was. During the forum at one of our breakouts exercises I was encouraged to call someone I had a conflicted relationship with. I called my mom and restored our relationship in one conversation. And until her death eight years ago we had a loving and connected relationship. landmark gave me that, and it is priceless.
Indeed, landmark did bring up in me concerns about the organization, and I had to reconcile their practice to requests we bring people to the closing course to see if they would be interested in signing up. I since changed my perspective on it and instead of seeing it as a sales gimmick I see it as extending a lifeline to people to restore the integrity of their relationship. My late friend Dr. Bastien was until her death a woman who lived in integrity and authenticity.
When she revealed to me, she was dying from inoperable cancer I asked if she was scared to die, she said I’ve had a good life and when I take my last breath it would be with the thought that I appreciated the life I had and, I will whisper thank you, thank you, thank you.
In Man Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. He says we must answer the question who are we being? The answer gives us purpose, particularly if it is in service to others. If you live into bravery by your action even in the face of fear at personal costs you creates a new possibility for yourself.
In Joseph Campbell’s A Hero’s Journey is about our call to adventure and stepping into our life of self discovery, transformation and growth.
I Believe in a new possible future by letting go of what is not working in my life and I reach for possibilities I never thought possible. Move out of my comfort zone, and take risk.
Why do I say my name is authenticity? it is because every day I lean into being authentic. And, if I notice I am not being authentic, I asked the question what is stopping me in this moment? Doing so I create a space for a new possibility of being.
Beginning today what is your name? Who are you being, how are you showing up in the world?
- Brave
- Integrity
- Authentic
- Leader
- Compassionate
- Explorer
- Lover
- Teacher
- Healer
- Hero
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Be Curious About Life’s-Limiting Beliefs
Holy Angels Mission in Fort Chipewyan, Alberta Few days ago, in a conversation with Kent, a author of Biology of the Brain, a hormonal expert, who asked “aren’t you curious, without judgment, why as a capable person you appear to have given up on yourself?”
I responded what do you mean? He said, you are a Founder of a not-for profit foundation seventhgift.ca, a host of Empathetic Witness podcast, and a blogger, a mother, and wife. Yet, you haven’t addressed what is stopping you from getting to your ideal weight. Why is that? Are you not curious?
Indeed, he is right of course. I have decided to explore and be curious to get to the root of why that is. To that end I have ordered his book and will get my blood tested. And I will get more physical activity.
I am a woman in my sixties, and overweight. I eat healthy, I don’t smoke, or drink alcohol and I sleep well.
Further I am a meditator which helps me mitigate stress and decrease my cortisol level. the extra weight I am carrying can’t all be from COVID! The question becomes: what limiting beliefs are stopping me from getting to my ideal weight? And, when he said have you considered it might have to do with traum? I thought for a moment, and then responded as I normally do, and I thought about my experience in residential school . I don’t believe I’ve experienced trauma. He said trauma is not only something bad done to you, it could also be something that may have been missed in your life by circumstances that didn’t allow for it to happen. I never thought of my experience in residential school in that way before. I assumed because I was never sexually or physically abused, and I had my basic needs met, like food and shelter, it never occurred to me that I had been traumatized.
I spent seven years at Holy Angels Residential school, in Fort Chipewyan in Alberta. (The Mission is what we called it.) I’ve always maintained I never experienced trauma while I was a student there. However, as I reflected on what Kent said, I could see what he said had merit.
I’m at the back 2nd from left Indeed, the oppressive environment created by a federal policy to kill the Indian within had to be traumatic for a 6 year old girl. And for the first time in my life, I have accepted the notion that I have experienced trauma when I went to residential school at 6 years old and was there for seven years.
- I was removed from a home where I felt safe with my brothers and sisters
- I was indoctrinated into the Roman Catholic Church, a huge shift from my Indigenous culture
- I was forced to live in a cultural genocide institution meant to devalue Indigenous culture
- It created a separation from my parents who only spoke Dene
- My movements were restricted, I was only allowed to go from the mission to the day school, Bishop Piche school, and once a week on Sunday, I went home for an hour
As I thought about the small T trauma, I experienced at Holy Angels Residential school I slowly without judgment and with compassion saw myself as a six year old child and what may have been like in residential for that young Angelina. I was curious and considered as a six year old child what was I feeling, emotionally.
For context, there were 45 other young girls there at the time. It was called the little girls’ room, my brothers were in a separate part called the boys, and the older girls were in another area called “big girls”. I was assigned the number 44.
When I was falling asleep at night, I prayed that my left leg which was affected by polio would grow strong as my right leg. Each night I prayed. To be clear the other young girls were never mean to me. I always felt capable, even if I could not run, I was physically strong and had upper body strength. This alone should not affect my self-image, I concluded. I began to be curious about my personality. What makes me who I am and what limiting beliefs am I holding?
I am a person who is kind, empathetic and driven. if I do what I can to help people who need my help, why can’t I put that energy toward myself.
For instance my husband, Alan who has been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and congestive heart failure and is constantly needing me to remind him to eat healthy, and at times I think, I am more concerned than he is about his condition than he is. I am also concerned about some of my sisters and brothers. But at some point, I stopped taking care of myself, and I’ve made a commitment to myself to change that. There must be something I am missing, I am curious and I will discover the information I need, it is never too late to start caring about yourself.
“Love releases oxytocin, lowers cortisol levels, and improves cardiovascular health by reducing blood pressure and heart rate. It doesn’t just make things feel better — it also makes them get better” Dr Chopra 
I am worth getting curious about to live a healthy vibrate life! -
We Should Never Forget The Impact of Indian Residential Schools
Dene Youth drummers
There is no worshiping of idols, or of a God, only the deepest respect and appreciation for Natural Law. What that means for me, as an Indigenous person is to respect nature, the trees, the water, the wind, the sun, and all living beings, the bears and birds to name a couple. This is the way of the Denesuline, my people.
My belief is that being a true Indigenous person means honouring the teachings of the Dene, my parents, my grandparents, and my ancestors. We share our story through our drum. I established a Foundation to uphold these teachings at [sevethgift.ca](http://sevethgift.ca)
John Mercredi Dene Elder My parents didn’t attend residential school and continued to speak Desuline and to practice our culture at home. I am privileged that I experience this childhood.
I have always understood spirituality as being in harmony with nature, a lesson I observed from my Dad, Isidore Deranger and other Dene who lived in the hamlet of Fort Chipewyan, Alberta.
I spent seven years at Holy Angels Residential school in northern Alberta, I was not beaten, starved, abused. I am grateful that I was born a generation late for those types of abuse.
Me, with my brothers, 3 of whom have passed onto the spirit world, Roger, across from me, Chris, next to me, and Rossi across Chris. I attended Holy Angels Residential school in the mid-60s and 70s, approximately 15 years before the building was demolished. When I was a student there, the culture in the mission was unlike in its earlier years. Perhaps it was because a young priest from France, Father Gilles Mousseau OMI or the changes in the church doctrine after Vatican II, but for whatever the reason, I was spared some of the degradation that former students, including contemporaries of mine and some of my own siblings experienced.
At the time I was there, the young Father Mousseau was instrumental in making some positive changes. We, who lived in the hamlet of Fort Chipewyan, were allowed to go home on the weekend for a couple of hours each week on Sunday. We were allowed to keep speaking our native languages. Several nuns and priests learned the Dene (Chipewyan) or Cree languages. I continued to have a friendship with Father Mousseau until his death in the early 2000s. He was a rare exception in his tolerance and open-minded attitudes.
My older sister Dora was spared the experience of Holy Angels residential school and was the cook at Holy Angels I have come to understand that it is acceptable to speak the truth about my positive experiences, even in an institution designed to “kill the Indian” in me, as documents on the origins of the residential school system openly state. I have also acknowledged that many former students were not so fortunate and had horrifying and devastating experiences, some from my own immediate family.
Lately, as more former students become comfortable in telling their truth I discovered that two former students from Holy Angels were committed to a mental institution for nothing other than not being compliant or running away home. My older sister, Rosemarie, was one of them. Learning about this I wondered, how many more former students were sent away to a mental institution for no reason, to be stigmatized as mentally ill? The trauma they experienced would follow them most their lives.
On June 24, 2021, the remains of 751 students buried in unmarked graves at Cowessess First Nation were identified using ground penetrating radar. This was after the discovery of 215 remains at another former residential school in Saskatchewan. Both of these discoveries, the first one in BC and the latter in Saskatchewan, touched many people’s hearts. Many tears have been shed by people who were not in residential school at this confirmation over what many people might have regarded as unfounded rumours. But after the sorrow we are left with questions, many questions.
The disbelief and horror of the remains of 215 children, some as young as three years old, is amplified with the news of another 751 remains discovered last week. Nearly 1000 unmarked graves in only two of Canada’s many residential schools! There can be no denying that something unthinkable happened to these hundreds – and in all of Canada perhaps more thousands – of children. The question then becomes: what do we do about it?
It is inconceivable to me that no one knew what was happening in those schools. But of course, some knew. Estimates have been made that thousands of unmarked graves exist in the grounds of former residential schools. These estimates – mere statistics – did not move people, as I thought it would. The Truth and Reconciliation Commission sought an addition to its mandate to get better data on child graves at the sites of former residential schools. The federal government turned them down.
I am convinced that as more ground penetrating radar work is being conducted, more bones on former residential school grounds will be identified. I pause in silent contemplation of this horror. This is Canada! We have a right to be angry. We can be wounded, accountable and compassionate. We can grow and heal as we move on as a society.
The Church knew, and the federal government of the day certainly also knew. Hundreds if not thousands of people in the communities must have repeatedly demanded answers why their babies didn’t make it home. My own mother put her 14 year old son on an airplane to the hospital in Fort Smith, Northwest Territories. She never saw him again. His remains were never sent home. Is he in another unmarked grave, waiting for ground penetrating radar to discover his bones? I never met that brother but I did witness the sorrow my Mom carried to her death. The many occasions she worried about us when we weren’t home. She cried many tears for a son she could not put to his final rest in her community.
The Catholic Church does not hold to an Indigenous spirituality or humanity. The Church called us savages. Mentally, emotionally, and sexually abused students who were in their charge. They followed a policy to eliminate our Indigenous identities. They were negligent, and they did not provide basic care. They treated us as if we were disposable, not worthy of normal human dignity or their compassion. Their actions literally killed us.
The government of Canada, always penny-pinching when it came to Indigenous peoples, did not provide adequate nutrition or medical care. They did not provide the basic human care to the bodies of students who passed away in residential schools be sent home for a proper sacred burial or consider their families’ need for closure. Instead, they buried them without ceremony in graves on the property. All this callous brutality in the name of “civilizing” our people. Ironic isn’t it, being they are Christians carrying out the teachings of Jesus.
The Government of Canada ought to designate annually a month to the remembrance of children who perished in residential schools. It is the least they could do.
WHAT DO DO NEXT?
1 DESIGNATE JUNE AS AN INDIGENOUS HEALING MONTH
2 FUND INDIGENOUS CEREMONY IN EACH COMMUNITY TO HONOUR THE CHILDREN
3 DEVELOP K-12 CURRICULUM TELLING THE TRUE STORY OF RESIDENTIAL SCHOOLS IN CANADA
4 CULTURAL HEALING ACTIVITIES IN EACH OF THE FIRST NATIONS ACROSS CANADA
5 DNA TESTING TO IDENTIFY FAMILIES OF THE STUDENTS FOUND IN UNMARKED GRAVES
An Indigenous Health Month would be filled with Indigenous cultural activities, including the development of curriculum in K-12 in the schools identifying, and telling the story of residential schools in Canada. That is how we should honour the students who perished in residential schools across Canada. To that end, funding should be provided to all First Nations across Canada to develop this curriculum and create a campaign in their communities in honour of residential school children who died. This is how we take back what was lost and move away from victimhood and retain agency in all our lives.
My brother Roger passed on December 7 2024, taking with him to the grave his horrible experiences of the residential school I, and most of my siblings, attended. -
Self Discovery is a Process
Here is an interesting fact about me, I have aphantasia, which means I cannot form images in my mind of objects that are not in front of me. When I close my eyes and try to imagine an image, all I’m left with is a blank slate, nothing but my feelings.
The ability to create images in your mind is an ability that at least 99% of the population take for granted because they don’t know there are people like me who can’t form an image in my mind, just as I had no idea that most humans could form images in their minds. But I also discovered a nephew also has aphantasia. What are the odds, two in my family?
I only discovered I had aphantasia 3 years ago and this realization blew my mind.
Because I can’t rely on visual images in my mind, I can’t recall a visual image of people’s faces or places I’ve been my felt perception is enhanced. I feel deeply. It is difficult to explain other than it is an energetic feeling. I recall the first time I went to Jakarta, Indonesia during Ramadan. It made an impression of living in a movie with the soundtrack of Muslims chanting and prayer stemming from the speakers. It was incredible! Or when we were in Fiji, I was in the water reading a local newspaper that had an article of my boss from Canada. It was weird. It seemed like a different life.
I have a picture of my late older brother Samuel Rossi on my iPhone because I cannot create an image of him in my mind, I can however bring up the feelings I had when he was with me. I feel his smile and laughter. I can bring up how surprised and happy I felt when he showed up at my door to surprise me a year before his passing.
When I discovered this about myself, it made a lot of sense. It is the reason my sense of felt perception is so developed, yet I can’t’ follow a map. LOL!
As a writer, I draw from my memory of felt perception. I am intrigued. This is is uniquely me. Knowing this about myself started me on a journey of self discovery.
In 2021 I began a remarkable journey of growth and transformation after enrolling in a leadership course with Unstoppable Conversations. Thank you, Tony Kevin, Vik, and Tanyss. I have continued the journey enrolling in several different courses in the last couple of years.
I am discovering how to show up in my life at large by letting go of my ego and fear, and furthermore forgiving people who I held stories about who in some way hurt me, in my mind. Discovering my limiting beliefs helped me be a better person.
I discovered that words like integrity and authenticity matter. I discovered how to recognize when I am not aligned with my actions and integrity .
I also discovered that people’s unexpressed expectations of me are mine to fulfill. That concept, I admit, was difficult to comprehend! How could I be responsible for others’ expectations of me if they don’t tell me!
As an example, as a wife my husband needn’t express to me how my loyalty and support is something he might expect. As a mother, my children’s unexpressed expectation that I will always put their well-being ahead of mine and I will put them as my priority is a given .
And my friends have a right to expect loyalty, and honesty, and that I follow through on my word.
After graduating twice from Being A Leader I created a context that included what is possible for me to step into a created life with purpose, something bigger than me, to serve others. This was a game changer. I founded a charitable Foundation to transform lives, Seventhgift.ca. I also started the Empathic Witness Podcast with Angelina. Imagine a world created without obstacles or limiting beliefs holding us back because of fear of the unknown.
The biggest breakthrough for me was the discovery that I didn’t have to be right and that if I was open to possibilities, it would allow me to see choices that would not otherwise be obvious. The discovery that I had aphantasia allowed me to be accepting and understand who I am. More importantly it gave me insight to the fact that we never know what other people’s limitations or special gifts are, because we don’t know what we don’t know. At the sametime being open-minded revealed a pathway to some amazing self discoveries.
Items in my healing garden 
Office waterfall & koi pond always felt like an oasis -
Life peppered with Gratitude is a life worth living
On the Ottawa River with Douglas Cardinal, renowned architect Being happy occurs when you live intentionally and your best life, authentically.
I read in a greeting card that hummingbirds float free of time carrying our hopes for love, joy, and celebration. The hummingbird’s delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, and beauty is everywhere, and our personal connections has meaning. Laughter is life’s sweetest creation. This sentiment resonates.
Being authentic is not always easy. I am grateful to have people in my life who understand and appreciate me. Being happy means living my best life and not being afraid to let others see me being silly.
Recently someone asked what I do. I responded I am a writer, a blogger she asked: “are you an influencer?” I said no, I’m not an influencer, however I do maintain a blog and I am the host of Empathetic Witness Podcast with Angelina. If I inspire others with my conversations to live their best life, that makes me happy. But moments of my life are not staged on social media to get likes. Gratitude highlights the positive in my life. Happiness is being present for those moments.
You, and only you, decide how you will react to situations, either of your own doing or when responding to someone else’s actions. You decide how you will react to their actions. It is simple, don’t make it complicated. If you want to be happy, you can be, because you’re in charge of your feelings.
Some situations will take more effort on your part, like a muscle you need to exercise by reminding yourself when you are aware your reaction can either hurt or give you peace.
For example, a regret I had years ago when I did not support a friend and I felt she must have felt betrayed by my action. I called her and we talked about it. She understood why I had behaved as I did, and she said she was okay, a big-hearted response. I realized in that moment that it was my own perspective that was responsible for how I was feeling. My family, I am happy to say, are a bundle of laughter and see the lighter side of life!
Cousin Lorraine 
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We Don’t Know What We have Until it is Gone
Our Healing Garden What does it mean to love yourself? To me, it means to have gratitude for my entire body, Yes, even my limitations.
When I do a gratitude meditation, I have never felt it was difficult to be grateful for what I have because of the times for short periods when I lost the use of my leg, after I tore my meniscus, and the function of my brain, after a partial stroke.
To be sure my physical “normal” is different than the average person, and yours could be too. , It can even be different than when you were younger.
My efforts are always to bring physical functioning to my “normal.” I accept I would never be an athlete or run a marathon, but I can walk, albeit slowly, and I can take my time and enjoy the flowers along my path.
To me it is simple things I am grateful for. As an example, after my meniscus healed, I was so grateful to be able to take two steps without excruciating pain, and I never forgot the times when I needed help to get from A to B, especially when I was traveling. Even having to manage the small step onto a plane that resulted in unbearable pain to me.
I can now walk throughout the house without experiencing knee pain, even the stairs, but I never forgot the times when that wasn’t possible.
The next hurdle I must overcome is to pass my field test to have my driver’s license reinstated. It has been 5 years since I drove a car. Can you imagine losing your driver’s license for even a month?
When I do gratitude meditation, I remember to thank my knees, and my brain for getting me to this point, and I am very grateful for my new normal.
I urge you if you have the full functioning of your legs, whatever your normal is, be grateful for the function you do have.
Often, we lose sight of what we have and worry about what others think, we have put on too much weight, or we don’t like to wear glasses, or even using a mobility aid.
For me, all it took was a change in my perspective, after my partial stroke and a good friend who helped me get into my car said to me let me get your assistant for you, meaning my walker. It changed my perspective on how I viewed it. I was no longer ashamed to use it, which is not often, mostly when traveling. However while I was traveling, I even became grateful for it. I put my purse on it, my carry on, and other things. It was a helpful assistant. 🙂
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My Alinker walking bike for uneven roads, so I can walk on the wild side. -
He Ain’t Heavy He’s My Brother – The Hollies
We are the quantum matter of the universe, which makes us one as well as brothers and sisters. I wish everyone could really understand just how heavy that is because then there’d be no more hate towards one another . I will never stop loving my brothers and sisters.
This song makes me appreciate my brothers and reminds me to treasure them. I was raised with ten brothers, and a nephew who is like my brother, and now I have four brothers left. Peter, Freddy, Jimmy, Ronnie, and my nephew Donald. My brother Roger passed last December 2023.
I have many memories of my older brother Freddy. I remember him visiting me in Charles Camsell Hospital in Edmonton, Alberta when I was in hospital at the time he was in high school being billeted in Edmonton. He advocated on my behalf to ensure I was being care for properly, he got to know the chief doctor, Dr. Singh very well. Freddy treated me with respect and accepted me the way I am.
He is funny too. Once when I was living with him in Fort Chipewyan; he came home after getting a loan for his business. He had lots of new crisp money. More money than I ever saw, but then I was just a kid. He proceeded to throw the money on the bed and told me to play in the money. I started jumping up and down on it. He stood there laughing while I rolled all over the money. Crazy what we remember as kids! But most of all I remember his tenderness and a twinkle in his eyes.
He’s also a complex man. Freddy is a kind, a charismatic man. He loves history and mathematics and became an engineer. But he has strong views on politics and family, which we sometimes disagree on. In fact, I like that we can disagree on something and moments later he will tell me a joke.He came to my aid when I was working for a political organization. He was on the board of directors. He defended me and protected my job. However, because of his rank as one of the older brothers, he often gave unsolicited advice, too which made some of our siblings feel less than and not being able to live up to his expectations of them, which created animosity. We nicknamed him head honcho of the family. He always felt the need he to take control in family situations.
His favorite saying to me is: “Don’t say I know!” And, I would say, I know. He gave me that cheeky smile of his. . I like that he does not hold grudges indeed his smile can be disarming. LOL.
He is an enigma. I believe there is a logical reason for his bad choices. He is my big brother and as a child I had immense respect for him, and I still do. Because I knew of a brain injury he had as a child he is not fully in control of his mental faculties, and I always knew that. Most people do not appreciate how a brain injuries can have lifelong impact on a person. Even if they when they are educated .
When he was a young boy, he jumped on the back of a moving school bus and fell, and had to have a plate put into his head. I believe his brain injury damaged his executive functioning, the part of the brain that holds reasoning and consequences.
He began taking risks, for example walking on his hands on pipes 25 feet above jagged rocks, and swimming in lake Athabasca in an area with a riptide and strong undertow. He was involved in overdrinking. Even in his marriage he made questionable choices. As an adult, he refused to take medication for high blood pressure, and would counsel others to not take their medication.
As he is getting older, he became more challenging. He would leave his home early in the morning not telling anybody where he was going, not and not eating properly. He would not listen to anyone, doctors’ nurses, his sisters, his wife or his sons. Unfortunately, out of necessity and for his own safety his family is considering placing him in a long term care home, particularly because he is beginning to experience memory issues.
Freddy speaks Denesuline fluently. He trapped with our dad . He does not have a mean bone in his body and he is not malicious or hateful. A few months ago, he said to me, when I asked him how he was doing. He said: “You’ll understand when you get there.” It puzzled me and I said: “Where are you going?” He responded: You’re the youngest and much younger than us, when you get older your body starts to fall apart.” He said: “When it’s my time to go let me go. I’ve lived my life.” I said: “I will never let you go. You’re my brother and I love you.” was my response he softly laughed knowing I would not change my mind.
Samuel, Patrick both pass in the last 4 years 
his son, Darryl, grandson, and Fred Mike his oldest, and his wife, Hazel 
Roger passed December, 2023 
Fred The Hollies
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From the Shores of the Ottawa River 
