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WE ARE NOT GARBAGE; SOMEONE KNOWS SOMETHING And CHOOSES TO REMAIN SILENT
In this blog are my thoughts on the matter of Missing and Murdered Indigenous women in Canada. (MMIW) Caution: reading this blog may be triggering to some.
My intention for writing this blog Is to motivate and inspire you, the reader to want to make a difference in this matter. You might think, how can I make a difference? I have some suggestions below on how you can help. Don’t disappoint me, please. Comment if this topic makes you think or do you remain indifferent.
First, I am an Indigenous woman from northern Alberta. If I went missing, I am confident my family would be concerned and would look for me. Not because I am educated, and a contributing member of society who pays taxes, but because I am a human being, and I matter!
My point is it shouldn’t matter if I were a drug addict, homeless and or earning a six figure income for people to care if get murdered.
My Connection to two victims
I imagine, because of the large number of missing and murdered Indigenous women, there must be several people in Canada who have been touched by either knowing someone who is missing or knowing of someone who is related to someone who is missing or has been murdered.
It is interesting being that I am from a small hamlet of less than 1500 people, and I know TWO Indigenous women who were murdered. A childhood friend first went missing, and then was found murdered in the United States. She was my classmate at Holy Angels Residential school in Fort Chipewyan, Alberta. I remember Sandra as a young girl with a beautiful smile. She was smart too. Years later, I had heard she made some questionable choices in her young life. One summer, she made a fatal mistake. She decided to go hitchhiking into the United States and was not heard from again.
Much later, her family received a call from the RCMP with devastating news that was delivered by phone, not even in person. The officer described how her body was dismembered and disposed of in garbage bags. Her DNA sample was the only way she was identified. Her killer is a person who picked her up and gave her a ride and was never convicted of her murder. Sandra was only 24 years old.
Ms. Amber Tuccaro, whose killer’s voice was heard on a chilling cell phone recording linked above is just one piece in a RCMP investigation, was also from my community, and was the daughter of my older brother’s classmate. We owe it as a society to care and to take some sort of collective action. I challenge everyone reading this blog post to do something. Write the PM’s office and demand he does something about the missing and murdered Canadian Indigenous women and girls. At the very least, share this blog on your social media. Do not underestimate the power you have to make a difference.
If we remain silent, our collective inaction speaks volumes about who we are as a society. The message this sends is loud and clear to me and perhaps to the murderers living freely among us, that Canadian Indigenous women and young girls can be raped, killed, and disposed of like garbage. When did our society become so indifferent to the violence against Indigenous women and girls? That is a rhetorical question because since colonization very little value has been placed upon an Indigenous person’s life.
It must STOP. Where is the outrage?? We need answers! They were human beings, members of our society. We should have protected these Indigenous women.
Sadly, we continue to hear stories of the discovery of missing and murdered Indigenous women and girls in 2023 and it will continue until we change our attitude about Indigenous women .
Are you interested enough to ask the questions?
- Who is doing this to the Canadian Indigenous women and girls?
- How many murderers are walking among us?
- Where are the bodies of these women and girls? If nothing else, we need to put them to rest by finding the bodies and bringing them back to their families for a proper respectful burial.
- How can you help
Consider if someone is murdering women and girls it could be someone you know. Even more of a concern, since this is not an isolated or regional matter, and is happening across Canada. There could be many murderers among us. Many Indigenous women have disappeared on the trail of tears highway in BC.
Recently Canadian serial killer Paul Bernardo has been in the news because he was transferred to a medium security prison. I remember in the 90’s, at least 3 people knew it was Bernardo who was raping and murdering teenage girls. These were Caucasian girls.
It makes me angry that as recent as this week an Indigenous young woman’s body was discovered in a landfill, discarded, like garbage. It is incomprehensible the outrage is only coming from Indigenous communities. It reinforces the belief that there is little value in an Indigenous woman’s life. Am I wrong?
Amber’s dismembered body was found in a ditch in Alberta the summer of 2012, Over 20 years ago, two years after she went missing. RCMP are appealing to the public to identify the voice in a recorded call from a cell phone. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mEeyd1sF6g Her murderer was never found.
A woman’s body was recovered from Winnipeg’s landfill on Monday July 17, 2023, the second in 10 months, with more believed to be buried.
The landfill is currently closed as police continue to investigate after 33-year-old Linda Beardy’s body was discovered at the beginning of the week. It should never be reopened as a landfill. “It should be turned into a memorial site because we know that there is more,” it was reported to CBC Manitoba Information Radio host Marcy Markusa on Thursday. In the context of this society bodies of murdered Indigenous women will be dumped if not this land fill, in other places where it would be as difficult to discover.
The truth is I am at a loss. I realize anger doesn’t help but is it enough to motivate you the reader to do something? What would it take to see a modicum of emotion and compassion about these girls and women from you? Well, to be fair, I do believe you care, how could you not care. However, I am not as sure that the enormity of the situation is really appreciated. Until you have personally experienced a loved one murdered you cannot fully understand the anger, the grief, bargaining and acceptance. Let’s say I was able to reach you and you ask the question what can you do? The first thing you can do is get on social media with the hashtag Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women #MMIW. Share this blog with your network encourage them to get on social media with the hashtag #MMIW.
The question remains, where are they? The conservative numbers of missing and murdered women is over 5,000. If your family member disappeared, what would you do to bring awareness.
What Next?Mr. Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada, does it matter how many more must be reported missing or found pulled from dump sites, having been murdered? The Prime Minister has many priorities, but this must be one of them. The conversation around the discovery in a Manitoba landfill is disgusting, it is about the cost and manpower to continue searching the landfill, so they gave up leaving the enormous task to the Indigenous people. Sadly, I can’t be convinced it were a Settler, a non-Indigenous woman the conversation would be on cost. Nonindigenous women would be concerned that a murder is out there. They would organize themselves so they would be protected and safe. I am afraid the truth is there is virtually no value placed on an Indigenous woman’s life.
Why are the Prime Minister of Canada (PM), Royal Canadian mounted police (RCMP) desensitized to the plight of the surviving families, the parents, the siblings, and the friends of the Indigenous women who have disappeared or been found murdered?
Remember the Pickton murders in BC? Police were informed there may be a serial killer preying on indigenous women from Vancouver’s lower East Side. These concerns fell on deaf ears. It begs the question can Indigenous bodys be more dishonoured, in a landfill or given to pigs to be eaten so the evidence is destroyed. Both are equally disrespectful. Let’s not forget the Gladue case in Alberta. Thankfully, in that case the murder was charged.
In 2014, the Canadian premiers unanimously supported the request for an inquiry. Finding the body of Ms. Tina Fontaine had renewed the call to Mr. Harper then Prime Minister of Canada to call for an inquiry. Still, he remains steadfast against it.
An incomplete list of women and girls who have vanished or been murdered
RCMP Report Missing and Murdered Aboriginal Women
Dr. Sarah Hunt What Should Be Done
Missing and Murdered Aboriginal Women in Canada
Sign the Liberal’s petition calling for a Federal inquiry into Missing and Murdered women
http://youtu.be/dBPo9FgRBj4 Missing and Murdered Aboriginal women in Canada video by grade 11 students.
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The Ugliness Of Social Media
At times, you need to wait to see clearly. Ottawa River affected by forest fires in Quebec It doesn’t matter to me what you believe about politics, religion, or vaccines, or if you are gay, single, or bisexual. I won’t hate you if we disagree. If we’re friends or family, I will look past our differences and look at what we have in common. At the end of the day I can choose to ignore your comments if you don’t agree with me, and get on with my life. You’re free to do the same. So what if you hurt my feelings?
Indeed I might get upset by something you said, but not enough to go to the extreme of disowning you. It has been done to me and I saw it it as an overreaction and it didn’t require the same reaction from me. I won’t play that game. Honestly I tried to get back the relationship, especially with family, (you know who you are). I am human after all, and I have feelings. But, I have moved on.
That said, if I feel you’re open-minded and mature enough to have a debate, I might debate with you. The truth is that no matter what our differences might be, I won’t take your opinion personally because it has nothing to do with me, even if your comments are directed at me. It is merely your opinion. and you have a right to it.
In the wake of the implosion of the Titanic submarine a few weeks ago, social media was flooded with personal opinions. There have been numerous comments on the tragedy and the fallout on social media was swift. Many people have unfriended each other based on what these comments meant to them. To be sure, there were some ugly comments in the news feeds. Emotions were volatile. By and large people held very strong opposing opinions. Mean things were written, and shared widely, largely to people who didn’t even know each other.
I was disappointed to discover even Indigenous peoples joined in the negative conversation. It was mixed with the notion of colonization and the disdain for the uber rich. Many Indigenous peoples see through the lense of colonization. Even celebrations like July 1, or Thanksgiving can seem negative when seen through this lense.
Personally I can separate colonization from the rich throwing caution to the wind to explore. Let’s not forget people died. However, I am thankful there are people brave enough to explore vast oceans, as long as they don’t upset the ecosystem. They are human too and it was their choice. Exploration creates a bigger world, and new discoveries .
Which begs the question, is social media making us inflexible and stupid? Are we becoming more egocentric, in that we believe our opinion matters and is paramount? I think, yes, we are and yes, we most certainly seem to be.
Social media gives us a false sense of courage, and ironically our anonymity online makes us feel important. The fact is that because we are not face to face, looking into the eyes of a person, that we have the courage to espouse our unfiltered and sometime knee jerk reactions to something we have read online . Often without knowing the context, but this can be an act of cowardliness. Furthermore, often we are not held responsible for the fallout that ensues after certain comments are posted. We can simply disappear from the conversation or troll silently following the discussion thread, feeling self-important, and right.
If I were to worry if someone won’t like what I blog about I might never blog at all. I urge you not to give up, exercise your creative outlet to blog.
I give pause when commenting on something I know little about. This is particularly true if I am commenting on something that has struck an emotional cord. Sometimes, I will read something online and say to myself, “OMG!” “idiot”, “Does that person not fact check”, “WTF!”, etc. then, I write a critical and judgmental comment. But I have trained myself to pause and decide whether to delete my comment because my opinion on social media to virtual strangers in the greater scheme of things, does not matter! I say to myself: is it worth my energy to continue?
I like that humanity is culturally diverse with varying points of view. I can’t imagine what this world would look like if everyone thought like me. Well, I can, and it would be awesome!
Overall, if you want a simpler life and keep your blood pressure down, don’t take everything you read on social media as a personal affront to your character, integrity, morals, or ethics. The more you let go of your ego, the freer you are and the less of a jerk you become. And if you are tempted to lash out in haste, it is very therapeutic to write exactly how you are feeling. But take a deep breath and then delete it or share it with a trusted friend. Maybe it will bring you a different perspective!
The foregoing was my opinion and hopefully it was not an affront to anyone who reads it.
Six generations of Indigenous women who never lost themselves on social media. -
Join Our Diverse Tribe: Fostering Engagement and Authenticity
OUT OF THE BOX ENGAGEMENT
In 2018 I created a group on Facebook named “We Belong”.
You may have wondered what is this group about, and what is the purpose of this group?
Thank you those who have joined me after I invited you, trusting me and accepting my invitation to join this group even when my intention for the group was less than clear.
The idea of this group came to me after listening to Author Radha Agrawal’s podcast about social connections, essentially, we as humans seek authentic social connections with others. We not only seek these connections it is important for our mental and physical health to have healthy relationships. Facebook, we have been led to believe would facilitate this connection. However, we started using it more artificially.
Furthermore, I have found that Facebook does not meet our need for this connection and a feeling of belonging, except when we get a DM. Social media is designed for more superficial entertainment use and to collect personal information. Instead of connecting us. It has created more isolation and dissatisfaction in our lives.
And more generally other social platforms have not found a way to engage each other instead we are having parallel conversations. Like ships passing each other in the night. I had a look at my friends and realized I have some awesome friends I have a tribe, I have a community and decided to bring them altogether in one place where we can design a community that works for us. My rational for creating a virtual community is due to my frustration of social media.
I am the administer of several groups. I use social platforms like twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. None of these platforms satisfy my need to connect. I find them superficial. Each of them ends up being pretty much the same as my personal Facebook page, in that people are not engaging with me on a deep authentic level. Perhaps they like a certain post but often will not contribute any more than a thumbs up. People post pictures, recap travel where they’ve gone, where they ate, and that is all good, but I’m looking for something more I am looking for serious conversations that are inspiring and thought provoking. Something more you.
For example, at dinner with a couple of friends our dinner conversation was electrifying and engaging. We discussed youth incarceration, restorative justice, the judicial system, and whether it was helpful in reforming criminals? The overcrowded penitentiaries and the impact of those on reforming criminals. We discussed healing lodge as a mechanism for reforming criminals who committed serious offenses. We discussed the cycle of alcohol on generations, how the youth are impacted by this trend. We discussed how youth are place in same prisons as harden adult criminals. Because once you were over the age of 18 you are treated as an adult and therefore will be placed with other adults. one of the examples discussed was how a stupid action while under the influence can change the trajectory of one’s life. We discussed how incarceration does very little to reform a person or even deter repeat offenders. The subject is serious and impacts our society. Of course, our conversation really didn’t resolve the questions, however you never know where such conversation will lead in the future as it percolates in the mind. Perhaps deep conversations like these can only happen face to face, but if we give this group a chance, I believe it can happen here as well.
The invitation Letter I sent to a few friends 6 years ago to join We Belong.
When I first started this group that each of you was carefully considered before I added you. I was looking for a compassionate person, an intellectual, a person with varied interest, a well-read person.I was looking for people who will make this group engaging, who would be authentic and have the highest integrity in their word and ensure that whatever they post will be inclusive and respectful. I believe each of you have some of these qualities. If I am correct in my assumption that you too are dissatisfied with your experience on social media, then I made the right choice to add you to this founding group.
What I would need from you is your word that you would be an active participant in the group. That you would be respectful, and kind in your responses. My promise to you is that I will facilitate and moderate the conversations and ensure that participants remain authentic, respectful, and helpful. I will ensure to keep this a safe place for sharing of ideas. Like the conversation over dinner last evening, we were able to discuss some very serious topic without it degrading to personal attacks but instead added value to the overall conversation.
Is this something you are interested and being part of? if yes, I am pleased to provide this forum for you. If not, – if this is too serious of a group, too intellectual, you can leave the group and I will not be offended. This is not for everyone. Because sometimes all we really want is to be entertained and there is nothing wrong with that.
I promised you is that I will facilitate, monitor conversations to ensure participants remain authentic and keep this a safe place for everyone. I have fulfilled my promise to the group, this is a safe place.
We can reset this group to realize my aspiration to feel connected. The key to it succeeding will be directly correlated to your participation! Which is why I carefully picked the first group of people keeping in mind how each of you will respond and to set the tone for the group. I value each one of you in the group and your opinion matters. I want to learn from you.
TOPICS can be introduced by anyone, provide a short synopsis with the question. Subject areas can be identified like health, books, neurology, philosophy, spiritual, psychology, relationships, food, medicine, culture, politics, religion you can introduce any subject if it is respectful and not offensive to anyone.
Racism and inciting hate will not be tolerated, and you will be requested to leave the group. I will make every effort to not control the dialogue, only facilitate and moderate.
I, honestly, I didn’t think of specific details of how this will work. I do know that I want to continue my daily meditation insights which I post on Instagram, twitter and sometimes my personal Facebook page. I have received feedback from many of you who have indicated you enjoy reading them. I see the insights as setting a tone for the group daily.
Having said the above, if you have any ideas of how this could work, how you want it to work, I welcome your remarks and we can design this with your input.
My intention is to create a community of like-minded people who are interested in having a real connection with each other. The goal is to meet our need for real social connections. We can work out the details as we go along. Now there are no hard and fast rules. The experiment was to see if we can override our automatic reactions and default reactions in response to what others post. Like distrusting others or being too shy to comment. Essentially, it is to create a new paradigm, a shift in how we relate on social media. This is a social experiment and I have no idea if it will work, or if this is the right platform, I am interested to see where it will go. If I find it is not working, I will let you know before I delete the group.
In my tribe we have CEO’s, lawyers, doctors. Artist, Indigenous elders, professors of law, and social work. Indigenous leaders, authors, people who participate at the UN on human rights. Students, Environmentalists, people who are concerned about the impact of our actions on the environment. And, in a word, game changers, innovators, thought provoker’s, some of you I known personally, and we connect on many levels, we have shared a meal, tea, and pleasant conversations. I like the idea of having you all meet each other for this experiment, and we will see where this leads us. Welcome to my tribe!
The first questions I posted to the group is if you oversaw the world what type of community you would create, keep in mind that this is a virtual community and now we have members from all over the globe. In this group, I hope that members would feel comfortable meeting each other in the real world. What would your values and goals be? Who would you invite? No one replied. It has been 6 years since I created this group, is it useful to you, or should I delete it?
Over the last six years I have posted on
- The weather
- loss and grief
- dementia and support
- Climate change
- I posted a link to my podcast to listen to conversations with ordinary inspiring people
- Happiness
- Sleep hygiene
- My Health
- Visitors
- Friends and family visiting
- Life on the river
Ottawa River -
THE FAMILY I CHOOSE
family picnic in an Edmonton park. The saying goes that we don’t pick our family, but we do pick our friends. I question that!
Sisters
L to RIGHT Dora, Rose, Liz, me, Mary, Annie 2016 Cahiron
Said another way, I believe that our soul, our true essence, picks the family we are meant to be born into and we decide how living within our family can help us to show up powerfully in life. You can be either a victim or a warrior. Further, I also believe I picked the best time to be born. I feel fortunate to be part of a family who shaped my character.
As Indigenous people, we are an extension of the natural world. There is a saying that we on some level pick the family we are born into from the spiritual realm before we are born. And I reflect on what being a Deranger teaches me. I am guided and inspired by my family and the lessons I am taught helps me move through life with grace.
As an Indigenous person, I believe that our genetic code and both the impacts of trauma and our challenges are transferred to us over seven generations. And in each generation we overcome weakness and learn lessons in this life. Which begs the question, why did I pick this family?
That said the study of astrology does point to something called cahiron, which are the lessons we are meant to learn in this life. Have you ever heard about an old soul; some people who appear to have lived many lives? The Buddhists believe we are reborn until we learn the answer to our suffering. It is our karma until the lesson is learnt.
Reasons
Taking this perspective as I do, gives me strength in how I respond to my life .
I chose the Deranger family. Instead of thinking it was random that I was born into this extraordinary family. Because it puts me in powerful position in that nothing in my life is done to me.
When I start from the position I choose everything in my life, even my family, means I don’t have room to blame anyone for how life treats me. I must learn from my experiences.
Background
Coming from a large Indigenous family, we were not wealthy in material things. However, we have something far greater, we have the guidance and protection of our ancestors. We have family who are caring, and lighthearted. My family taught me to be confident in my own skin.
Isidore Deranger my dad 1909-1992 Context
Deranger Family
My chosen family (of 16 children) in a Dene Indigenous family lived in Northern Saskatchewan before I was born. They lived in Uranium City (where I was born), then moved to Fort Chipewyan, and Fort Mcmurray in Alberta. In Fort Chipewyan we lived In a small hamlet without electricity or plumbing, with a mixed population of Dene, Cree, Métis, and people of European origin.
Let this sink in. I was raised with ten brothers, five sisters and our two parents in a one-room log cabin before we moved into a bigger house.
By and large it was a Roman Catholic household, but thankfully, my father Isidore was deeply rooted in our Denesuline culture of natural laws of nature. We are connected to our ancestral lands. My late brother Pat’s ashes were buried on our land, Denekizi. And the ashes of my late brother Roger, who passed on December 7, 2024 (incidentally my birthday) will be spread there this summer.
The final resting place of elder brother Pat Deranger (1951 – 2019). RIP The distinction between our worldview and that of the colonizers is the notion of good and evil, because within an Indigenous worldview there is no such thing as good or evil, heaven or hell, sin, or sinners. These do not exist in our reality. This is a Roman Catholic church construct designed to control their congregation.
Little me in front of our log cabin in Uranium City After all, we don’t ascribe sins to flowers, birds and other wildlife. The RC believes that a newborn is already a sinner, We exist like nature. in nature, and we are interconnected, and interdependent on one another. That is the Indigenous wouldview.
Recently my older brother Jimmy said, our culture is tied to the caribou, and our language. We were nomadic peoples. It is vital that we speak our Dene language, think first in Dene, he says. We Dene continue to utilize our traditional lands in all direction. And we always give offerings to the land and water.
When my ancestors hunted, fished or trapped they thanked the wildlife for giving their life for our food and we shared our food with our community. Our connection to the land is sacred.
The language we spoke at home is Chipewyan (Denesuline), a Dene dialect. My father was a hunter and trapper, and my mother made beautiful beaded Dene jackets, gloves, and moccasins for the family.
The last jacket my mom made for my son, Andrew There are no words to describe how I feel about this family, other than it is a blessing to be on this journey with my siblings and as one of the youngest, and the youngest female. I have always felt cherished and protected by my family.
I am truly blessed. There are a wealth of lessons to be learned growing up in a large Indigenous family of acceptance, compromise, and diplomacy, which led to me being tenacious with an unwavering spirit.
Our mother was a complex person. She was both firm but could be flexible. She was incredibly demanding and determined. But she was also generous, caring, and funny. Even though we had a full house she made room for other children who needed a safe place.
My mom, older brother Rossi (1957-2016) and me In turn, I stood for being the best daughter I could be for her, as I matured. I loved her unconditionally. Each time I thought of her, my heart would fill with pure joy and love for her. Even now 8 years after her passing I feel the love I have for her. I can honestly say that we’ve had an extraordinary relationship. I saw everything she did through the lense of my love for her and her love for all of us.
My mom’s likeness done by artist Margaret Ferraro. com 
My mom Therese Deranger (1919-2016) The lessons I learned from my Deranger family are
- Speak up when an injustice occurs — which is why my career was in Indigenous land claims.
- Love unconditionally
- Don’t be afraid to take risks
- Accept the knowledge link to our ancestors is strong and they are always close beside us helping and protecting us
- Remember the words of the elders
- Respect all living beings
- Show up in life, listen and be present
6 generations matriarch 
My oldest brother Peter (left) and my late brother Roger (right) (Denekizi) 
Our traditional land – home of Dene Kizi Academy Land based teachings 
Dene Kizi Academy 2022 
Future traditional knowledge keepers 
Mom and sons and other male descendants on her 90th birthday. -
Life peppered with Gratitude is a life worth living
On the Ottawa River on a friend’s boat Being happy means living your best life and not being afraid that others see it.
legends say that hummingbirds float free of time carrying our hopes for love, Joy and celebration. The hummingbird’s delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, and every personal connection has meaning. laughter is life’s sweetest creation.
Being authentic, is not always the easy, Being happy means living my best life and not being afraid to let others see me.
Recently someone asked what I do. I responded I am a writer, a blogger she asked are you an influencer. I said no, I’m not an influencer, however I do have a blog and I am the host of Empathetic Witness Podcast with Angelina. If I inspire others to live their best life it makes me happy.
The moments of my life are not staged for social media. Gratitude highlights the positive in my life, and happiness is being present for those moments.
You, and only you, decide how you will react to situations either of your own doing or someone else’s actions. You decide how you will react . It is simple. Don’t make it complicated. If you want to be happy, you can be because you’re in charge of your feelings. all it takes is a change in perspective.
Some situations will take more effort on your part, like a muscle you need to exercise. Remind yourself when you notice your reaction can either hurt or give you peace and change the story.
For example, A regret I had years ago when I did not support a friend, and I felt she felt betrayed by my actions. I later called her to apologize. She understood why behaved as I did, and she said she was okay. A big-hearted response, and it changed my story of the event. I realized in that moment that it was my own perspective that was making me feel badly.
Being 100% authentic, may not always be the easiest route to take. I am grateful to have family who are not afraid to have a good belly laugh and live life not taking themselves too seriously.
My cousin 
My sisters! 
My sisters enjoying a joke! -
Navigating Life
Ottawa River I’m sharing something very personal, a challenging situation I have had most of my life, because I hope that both my struggles and my insights may be of use to you in your life, in some way. In fact, This by far, is the most vulnerable thing I’ve ever shared on a social media platform in the hopes that something about my journey will support you on yours.
For those of you who don’t know, I am a blog writer, podcaster, and the founder of a charitable foundation, seventhgift.ca I’ve held executive positions most of my career.
I had poliomyelitis (polio) as a child, shortly after I started walking. I know that a lot of folks might not know much about polio because it’s been nearly eradicated over the last 65 years. But as a child when I got hit with it, polio was one of the most feared diseases on the planet. You might even question, how I got polio when the polio vaccine was available before I was even born. I am Indigenous; and my parents lived in an Indigenous community. Need I say more?
In those years, polio was killing thousands of children worldwide every summer and paralyzing tens of thousands more. The numbers were in the millions.
We can celebrate that rates of polio have dropped phenomenally around the world since then. In recent years, there have been only a few hundred cases per year of polio in the entire world, mostly in 3rd world countries like Pakistan and Afghanistan.
I have no memory of the incident except what I’ve been told. One day I was paralyzed, and I couldn’t walk. And after a while, the feeling and movement began slowly to return. But the process of regaining use of my legs was slow, and only after many surgeries I was able to walk again.
In the 60’s and 70’s polio was treated by orthopedic doctors because there was little experience understanding that it affected the motor neurons in the spine. I was fitted with long braces on both legs, but eventually only need a short brace on my left leg.
When I entered adulthood, the prognosis was that I would never walk normally, or run due to weakness and discrepancy in my left leg.
After a partial stroke in 2018 I decided to update my brace. it had been over 20 years since I had a new one.
My stroke doctor, who I respect, referred me to an orthopedic specialist, who refused to give me a prescription for the type of brace I had as a child, one which allowed my ankle to move as I walked. She said that with the weakness in my left leg this brace was not suitable for me. When I allerted my specialist, he said he couldn’t do anything about it. He replied to my email when I brought it to his attention saying:
“This Dr. is my department’s expert in this field and you have been seeing her. I’m not passing the buck, but should not this be going to her?” “
She told me clearly, I will not give you a prescription for the brace you want. What was I to do? I felt defeated. Based on research and decades of experience dealing with my challenges, I was convinced that the current rigid brace she recommended would only create complications for me down the road, as I got older. My research showed that a movable ankle is necessary to lubricate joints in my leg, my knees, and my hips. We are not meant to be in a unmovable brace, it is not natural. In 2023 there must be braces that are supportive and yet allow for some natural movement.
I saw my GP, who fortunately understood what I was asking for and, he provided a prescription for a hybrid brace, a mix of a rigid and movable ankle. The process took me two years and now I have exactly the brace I wanted and needed (see the photo). Indeed, I have captured some independence, I feel as though I’ve got my life back to some degree. I recently saw a professional who confirmed that my hip joints were stiff and not rotating in a natural way. I need to mitigate further damage in my hips, and I believe this brace in part is how to do that.
Developing Post-Polio Syndrome (PPS)
Poliovirus Then and Now
I developed post-polio syndrome, or (PPS) when I was 32, and to that point I had not heard the term despite living so many years with polio. You may never have heard of post-polio syndrome, either, and this is true of most physicians too. A significant percentage of the people who got polio and survived, and particularly those who worked extra hard to achieve things despite having been stricken with the disease, have suffered later in their lives from this condition. To add to the complication of PPS, I suffered a partial stroke during surgery in 2018. I have trouble walking; it is not clear how much is related to stroke or the PPS.
The medical literature says this about PPS. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6371137/
It affects between 25–40% of polio survivors. And unlike polio itself, PPS is not contagious. But PPS is serious. Parts of the body that regain movement after being paralyzed by the original polio can again become paralyzed.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/post-polio-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20355669
Nearly all polio survivors who develop PPS do so within 15–40 years after their initial polio. When I first noticed symptoms, I was told it was age related and that everybody loses muscle strength. I was 32.
I’m doing the best I can with it, including getting as much exercise as I possibly can, which is a challenge when your legs don’t work well and you worry about falls. I believe in doing all I can with what I’ve got. And, of course I’m doing everything I can that might help me to retain as much quality of life as possible, which is why I fought to get the brace I knew I needed to give me quality of life.
I’m listening, in every moment that I can, for what I can learn and what I can love on this journey. In fact, when I start to feel depressed or start to feel sorry for myself, I will often think about Viktor Frankl and what he endured, and yet he came out on the other side whole . Or I’ll recall some of the things I love. Not just the things I like — that just wouldn’t be enough to shift my energy. But the things and the people I truly love. Like music, reading, writing, and having a purposeful life.
I’m going to be honest. was not all sunshine and roses, especially having to work hard against conventional “expert” medical thinking to get a brace I knew would make my life better. What I have learnt is no matter the challenges, one must look first to give meaning to it, and then move into action to improve their situation. As an Indigenous person I am carried on the backs of my ancestors.
I am my own avocate -
Sunday LIVING INTO THE FUTURE
Ottawa River Sunset Over the summer, a technique I learned about in a course was how to live into your future.
We started with setting a date we want to accomplish something, and then you reverse engineer what you hope to accomplish by that date backwards until you reach today’s date.
For example, my friend Wants an organic orchard on his land not too far for from here. He asked me how can he accomplish this using this method? I gave him these steps to follow.
- Create your team. His team is a horticulturist, seed supplier, and a friend who has an orchard near Niagara Falls. He needs at least six members on his team.
- Meet with the team assign tasks and a system for measuring accountability.
- Map what needs to be done each week until you reached the specific date of completion.
- Visualize walking through the orchard look at the details how does the soil underneath your shoes feel is there a scent on the trees. I always have problems with this type of exercise because I have aphantasia, which means I can’t visualize images in my mind, but I can experience the feeling I want. Our brain does not know what is real or imagined, what feeling does a walk through your orchard give you I asked him?
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Inner Peace is in You
Discover Inner Peace 2022 March 13
It was after reading a friend’s Facebook page post it prompted me to write this blog post. Paul is a mediator and his words helped me focus on this piece. Thank you for your wisdom, Paul.
My garden Inner peace comes from a relationship that is based on acceptance, intimacy, and curiosity. Like a garden we need to weed out what does not serve us, and cultivate beauty, resilience,and strength. Sometimes this requires a change in perspective.
The late Zen Master, Thich Hanh Often wrote that peace should not be possessed, it should be a catalyst to help others suffering to discover peace.
As a long time, meditator, I am comfortable exploring my feelings in meditation. To know yourself more fully, explore with wonder each layer of who you are. My meditation practice became a lifeline after a brain injury a few years ago.
In 2018, I was diagnosed with left side neglect ((ischaemic right brain stroke during surgery, which meant at first , my brain could not recognize objects on my left side. I approached my brain injury with curiosity.
This injury led me to change my diet and empowered me to respond to a new version of who I am. I spent many hours researching the brain, reading, and listening to podcasts on neurology.
My first thought was not why me, but how interesting is it that our brain works like this. I was really intrigued. It was not easy but I persevered, and made peace with what happened by understanding what happened in my brain. One can always reconcile a negative event with a positive perspective. It helps the process to have the right question or statements of inquiry that will lead you to peace.
There is no right or wrong way of discovery. You’ll know it when it happens. I have found the key to peace is acceptance. Paul added the following steps, It is not verbatim. Meditate on these statements; to create a new perspective.
- I create my reality (trust). This perspective becomes available once we are aware of cause and effect.
- I am choosing what is happening (trust). Seeing ourselves as being endlessly creative.
- I welcome what is here (accepting our current experience).
- Appreciating physical sensations (intimacy). Appreciating the physical sensations in our body right now invigorates and increases the intensity of what we are experiencing. Think about eating your favorite food. When we slow down and taste each bite we feel more.
- I am the entirety of what I am experiencing (intimacy). What I am experiencing is creating the sense of me.
- Viewing life as being connect to all. (Cause and effect.,we are all connected) A flower does not exist without rain,sun and wind.
- I don’t know what I’m experiencing (Curiosity). Letting go of all ideas and labels about what it is we are experiencing. Looking at life as if we were a newborn baby seeing things for the first time. (wonder)
- I don’t know what I am. Creates space for possibilities.
- I experience a sense of excitement about what is about to happen next. Discovery of endless possibilities.
Discovering your way to a peace is not easy, we all have our own pain, sorrows, and fears. Give yourself time and space to embrace and recognize how you’re suffering. Be compassionate and gentle when,Starting an inquiry to self. However, remember there’s no right or wrong way to do this.
My meditation space/sauna -
Luezan Tue called Our Name
My family were environmentalists well before the term became popularized.
We are Denesuline people, from Northern Saskatchewan. We are strong, proud. Stewards, of Mother Earth. We take this responsibility seriously.
In the 70’s our dad answered the call of the land, and took his older children, to our traditional hunting lands. They hadn’t been back there for over 40 Decades until last summer of 2021. This is my dad’s legacy.
He answered the calling of the traditional lands, Luezan Tue, and inspired four generations to return to Djeskelni. He passed his baton to the next generation. He reaffirmed our sacred connection to the land. Everyone he took back to the land were transformed and carries the calling deep within their spirit.
In August, 2021, a small group of about of 17 family members went back to our land, organized by my nephew, Donald Deranger, who had gone there with Baba in the 1970s. They went to spread my late brother Patrick’s ashes around the lake to fulfill his last wish.It is clear to me that Patrick’s death facilitated a renewed interest back to our traditional land. The family answered the calling to return to the land. It is difficult to deny how powerful this spiritual calling is.
FAMILY MISSION
- Increase the quality of life for seven generations by building upon our rich Denesuline traditional heritage based on being stewards of the land, lending a helping hand, and create business ventures to generate profits and financial independence. Our family embodies Dene cultural tradition the pillars of which is respect, and to honour the teachings of our ancestors.
My family, like most Indigenous families, is complicated, affected by intergenerational trauma of colonialism, and residential school.
We have sometimes temporarily lost sight of family, our connection to each other and the spirit of our traditional lands. We are easily triggered and often will cut off one another from our life.
That said, I adore my Dene family, dysfunctions and all.
I read somewhere when you change the beginning of your story it changes the end of the story.
After I wrote this blog piece I went back and changed the beginning of our story.
I remain hopeful for the next seven generations. That they will continue to answer the call of our traditional lands. I see renewed interest in some of my nephews and nieces. The calling is strong in them, and I am hopeful.
Family Dene Camp 2021 
Djeskelni Bech’anie Decheny’ah Camp, on the south shore of Luezan Tue within the southwest region of the Etthen Edeli dialect region, about 40 miles south of Tu Cho, 
3 generations, my nephew Donald Deranger, his son, and grandchild. 
Sand dunes on our traditional lands 
Older sisters preparing wild meat from our land for the feast. 
Brother-in-law John Mercredi (not at the camp) when you listen closely to Dene drum you hear the heartbeat of the land. Acknowledgment
My brother, Roger for keeping traditional prophecies of the Denesuline alive.
My nephew Donald Deranger for holding the baton for the next generations, and last, but so important, my late brother Patrick, a sacred pipe holder for passing the baton to his daughter when he gave her the sacred responsibility and honour of spreading his ashes on our traditional land.
Patrick Deranger -
2022 striding into the new year with eyes wide open
My intention in 2022 is not about losing weight although I could stand to lose a few pounds, it is not about exercising more. I could do more of that too.
My intention, my goal for 2022 is to not live small, to show up in life because my actions matter and the people in my life deserve to see the very best version of myself, Which is to show up in service to indigenous peoples struggling with addressing their trauma.
The next Being a Leader course starts in January 2022. If your interested in creating the best life for yourself connect with Tanyss Munro tanyssmunro@gmail.com 2022 I will continue my journey of growth and transformation, particularly as it pertains to my foundation Seventh Generation Indigenous Foundation and Training. (G.I.F.T) I’m really excited To be part of a group of extraordinary humans on the foundation. Our vision has capabilities to be a game changer in the delivery of services to indigenous communities across Alberta.
First, I am excited to confirm renowned physician and expert on trauma Dr. Gabor Mate has agreed to support GIFT foundation in the capacity as advisor to our curriculum writers. secondly, we start the new year by inviting additional board members who hold expertise in the areas of psychology, sociology,, law, and curriculum development.
My late dad, Isidore and older brother Fred Deranger -
January 1, 2022!
Living on the river shore is captivating, every day there is something phenomenal happening on the river, the neighbors made a ice rink over the weekend. -
LOVE & FORGIVENESS
not my photo The eyes of love see past behavior to acknowledge and recognize a loved one’s true self. Do not judge people by their actions at a time when the person was not at their best. Life is too short to let your ego ruin your days, carrying this heavy burden.
I’ve come to accept you cannot expect love and forgiveness, it happens when the other person is ready for it. What worked for me, to achieve peace is to let go of hurt.
If you loved and admired someone, those qualities can still exist. I acknowledge if you’re not ready, it is difficult to see it.
I had always admired my older brother Freddy when I was a child. He is educated, funny and kind.
And I closed my heart to him. after hearing gosip about him. Freddy called a couple days ago. And I could not hold judgement against him. All the things I admired about him came flooding back. Little things he did like visiting me in hospital when I was a child, and a few years ago helping me overcome challenges. I could see In spite of what he has been accused of doing, at his core, he is still the person that I once admired.
I will never know the true story. But who am I to judge him? I will not close my heart to him, especially now when he is experiencing early onset dementia.
You might also know someone you admire that no longer matches the admiration you once held for them. I see my brothers as part of my journey to be a better person.
One, to love in spite of his actions. It is important to note, forgiveness is not the same as acceptance. And, the other who helped me get to that point of love and forgiveness. I write this knowing it may piss off some family, and they my disown me too. But I refuse to turn my back on my brother. No one can say they are perfect. life is about falling from grace and getting back to being a better person.
If there is one thing I take from Buddhism it is everything is impermanent. including, people and their behavior. Moreover it is how we react to them with compassion that matters.
In times like this, I think of Nelson Mandela forgiving his prison guards and accepting to love them, and Buddhist monk ,Thich Nhat Hanh, forgiving the people that exiled him from his country. Viktor Frankl, Austrian Doctor who forgave the Natzis for killing his family. If these men can find forgiveness, and love, I can too.
“Think of that person with love and kindness” , said my late brother, Dene Elder, Patrick Deranger. I can hear him say that now about my brother who fell from grace.
Late Patrick Deranger I may have unintentionally hurt others, by what I write in the moment, even in this blog. However, My one action does not define who I am.
Same as your unkind words to someone do not define who you are. The truth is our perceptions creates a bias story design to make us right and the other person wrong, once we look at ourselves, we can see we made the whole thing up and the impact is we feel hurt, but it all plays out in our mind.
Have an amazing weekend, reach out to a loved one and just let them know you’re letting the past stay in the past. Today is a new day!
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Chasing Happiness Summer 2023
Sailing on the Ottawa River This blog is inspired by something I read recently.
Leisure, freedom from responsibility, down time, being carefree. These are the words associated with being on a holiday.
As a wife and a mother, I am a worrier , particularly as my husband is experiencing health challenges.
Some of my responsibilities are
- I Produce and host a podcast, called Empathetic Witness
- I manage a non-profit foundation, Seventh Generation Indigenous, Foundation and Training seventhgift.ca (GIFT)
- I am also a blogger
- I work at a law Firm
I set out to take a “staycation” this summer. My intention is to reconnect with my sense of happiness. Let me tell ya, happiness is one of my favorite topics. I read books on happiness, I listen to podcast on happiness, I even meditate on happiness (Meta).
Another favorite thing, over the summer I discovered the joy of salads, creating new and interesting salads, each one more delicious than the next. It gave me a sense of joy and happiness to do this. Too bad my family are not fans of salad. More for me, I guess.
Making Matcha tea brings me happiness My quest for Happiness is an endless search for rediscovering myself. It allows me to observe and discover new perspectives from my experiences, and to connect with myself and others.
I interviewed an Indigenous chef on my podcast, in July 2023 and it was clear as we talked about food, that the care and attention he gives to the food that he prepares gave him joy. It was more than food to him; it is about his experiences and his connection with others through food.
The distressing fires in Alberta BC and even in Ontario it is essential for our mental health that we seek and discover happiness not only this summer but make it part of our life’s quest.
Tell me – Did you find happiness this summer? Did you find it in a shared meal, a camping trip, or visiting relatives. Maybe you enjoyed a book on the beach. It may sound trivial or even offensive as the entire world appears to be on fire but, bear with me as I work through this thought: I believe that staying connected to happiness prepares us to handle the very things we need a break from—whether it’s the crises of home or work or our planet on fire, so we can come back to these battles revitalized. However, It shouldn’t be a battle. A friend mentioned over the weekend that she is finding it difficult to balance work and happiness. My thought is that if you’re doing work that you find purposeful, it should give you happiness. How do you achieve work happiness balance? It is a subject for another blog post. Enjoy your Summer I trust it will bring you happiness.
Summer 2023 on the Ottawa River 
Hanging out with big sis brings me happiness you can see on my face. -
Lighten your Emotional Baggage
Girls at Holy Angels School Fort Chip, Alberta I am top, second from left. I am a former residential school student. Overall, my experience was uneventful, in that I had no trauma but also no major excitement. A favorite memory is when we went to Dorey lake for the weekend. It was exciting to play in the hills and to be outdoors in nature. I wonder at times if the nuns that took us ever thought about the impact they had on us, by allowing us sanctuary to be kids. Sadly, not all residential students had the same experience. I am grateful I was spared abuses for whatever reason.
I am with my brothers Chris, Rodger, and Rossi I credit my childhood for my resilience and tenacity. I didn’t have to overcome trauma, but I experienced excruciating physical pain when I had to recover from a childhood disease, which made me tough, despite the limitations it left me with. And this served me well over the years.
I never experienced any trauma: sure, we were poor, but never starving. I emerged from my childhood essentially unscathed, feeling loved.
I tend to view my world positively. I look for the good in others and I often will not go to the worst-case scenario when things don’t occur as I hoped.
Unfortunately, not everyone I know had that kind of childhood, even in my immediate family. Recently I had a conversation with someone who for most of her life felt unloved and discarded by the very people who should have cherished and loved her. All I could do is imagine her as little girl who only wanted comfort and to be loved and my heart went out to her. It must be challenging to go through life feeling “less than.”
It is important to note that none of us know what experience anyone else had, even in the same family.
Our perception creates context, which is completely different for each of us, because we are all separate beings. Our childhood experiences, good or bad are how we created context and make sense of our world. We begin to view the world through a lens from our experiences as a child. Essentially what I’m saying is that your adult life is being run by an emotional, traumatized child. You are reacting to your world instinctively from the viewpoint of this child who maybe felt unloved.
How do you move from that perspective? Consider and notice what is behind your reactions
- You put in a call to someone, and they don’t call you back. Do you think that person doesn’t like me or is mad at me. Or do you think, like many of us, that person is busy, and you put in another call. Notice how you feel when you think they are busy and it’s not personal that they didn’t return your call yet.
- You are waiting in line to be serviced and people are being attended to while you wait. Do you think it’s because I’m Indigenous, and they must be racist? What is the child’s voice in your head? Or do you think, I have not been seen yet but it’s not personal, you go up to the front and say I’ve been waiting for 20 minutes maybe you didn’t see me? OK, notice the shift and how you feel when you realize it is not personal. Does it feel empowering?
- You live with someone who corrects your pronunciation of Dene, do you make that to mean you are stupid, or less than? Or do you think I’m so glad they corrected me, because it helps me avoid future embarrassment, and I am open to being corrected and to learn.
- A family member disrespects you and calls you names. What does the voice in your head say to you, that you are unlovable? You don’t matter? Does it confirm what the voice is already telling you? Instead, consider the possibility the person has had a bad day and it has nothing to do with you.
What I am trying to illustrate is that things happen, and we give it meaning from the lens of when we were a hurt child. I invite you to discover for yourself how to override the voice in your head to a more powerful voice that makes you feel empowered. This is something only you can achieve when you observe your reaction to things that annoy or upset you. and question why am I behaving like this? You’ve got this. Only you can make you feel unloved, less than, or invisible. Just change your perspective to be free of your past.
Holy Angels Residential School, Fort Chipewyan, Alberta 1972 both the church father’s house was burnt down and Holy Angels is no longer, closed since 1985 and demolished. -
Is Indian Medicine Real?
Francis Mitchell
Before my son was born, I saw a Navajo medicine man, Francis Mitchell in New Mexico, to help me conceive. Hubby had had a vasectomy before we got married and he had it reversed 16 years later when we got married. A reversal is less successful the more years since the vasectomy. It took five years before I conceived our son. The question becomes, did I conceive because of the medicine man or would I have been able to conceive even if I hadn’t seen him?
I saw the same medicine man when my brother Rossi was in a coma. I don’t know what he gave me, but I put some of the herbs on my brother’s tongue when he opened his mouth to yawn, still in ICU. A couple of weeks later he came out of the coma. Again, I can’t say for certain if it was the medicine man that helped or not.
I personally believe in Indigenous herbs and plants. Our traditional cultural knowledge is strong, even today. Using Indigenous medicines like rat root, bear root to make tea for flu and colds, or salve from spruce gum, for burns and infection from insect bites is not the same as using “medicine”. I view bad medicine as having an intention to harm another. Often it is not a supernatural power because it requires the belief of the person who thinks bad medicine has been placed on them for it to work.
I have less confidence in the notion of “bad medicine” that said, if we believe someone has put “bad medicine” on us – more than likely we will experience some sort of misfortune. Our mind is powerful. We can just as easily neutralize what we believe as bad medicine as nothing more than bad luck.
Recently I had a couple conversations about Indian medicine. When talking about Indian medicine, the conversation is often about a suspicion that someone is using medicine against another.
In Indian country, medicine can be used to win an election, “love medicine” to have someone fall in love with you, it can also be used to cloud the mind, and drive someone crazy. All that can be true if you believe in it.
In conclusion, sure I have had accidents, broke my tibia, pulled my meniscus. And hubby totalled our car, thankfully he only sustained minor injuries.
Indeed, I have experienced some bad luck! But I will not allow the notion of bad medicine to make me distrustful of people.
I believe people are inherently good. Imagine if I believed all the people that I have had disagreements with put medicine on me and caused my accidents. It is not rational. At the end of the day, I wouldn’t want to give anyone that power. My accidents are simply accidents. If hubby was paying attention, and not drinking his coffee he would have seen the tractor trailer and avoided the accident that wrecked our car.
I have heard stories where bad medicine was attributed to everything bad. I don’t doubt it happens. And you may be right, it could be bad medicine.
However, I invite you to consider it is your belief that gives it more significance than it deserved. In fact, I have also heard that the power of medicine wears off, but you keep it alive by giving power where none exist. In life would you rather take responsibility for something that occurs or blame it on bad medicine? Only you can answer. Be rational ask yourself why would a person do that to you, and keep asking Why until there is no more to say.
My late dad and older brother. -
Create Space to be Authentic
Indigenous Centre for Cumulative Effects Conference May 30, 2023 My blog today is inspired by a blog that I follow. Check Antony’s blog here https://tonysbologna.com/2023/05/30/embrace-your-boldness-how-to-find-the-magic-behind-the-mirror/
When I lived in Edmonton Alberta, I drove like a speed demon. One summer, I had my license suspended, for 30 days because I had too many speeding tickets. I drove a cute convertible Italian sport car; an Alfa and it was summer. Need I say more? lol.
In life, many of us get stuck, letting fear stop us from living an authentic life. We are afraid, to be noticed. Even afraid to make a comment on friends’ social media page. We care too much about what people think of us, or we believe what we have to say doesn’t matter. What you have to say matters because being authentic is living life with richness. Stand out, make a difference in life.
Indeed, My writing has got me into trouble several times because not everyone agrees with my perspective. I have lost friends and family because of what I wrote. But it does not stop me from writing. I have freedom to write what I want because I don’t answer to anyone and at the end of the day, what does it matter what I write? Although at times, when I’ve written about family issues, that’s where I got into trouble, I’ve been told “you shouldn’t be putting our business online”.
I attended the Indigenous Centre for Cumulative Effects Conference in Ottawa on May 29. And I was impressed with the morning speakers. They spoke with conviction and passion acknowledging that their presentation would not be accepted by the government. Their boldness is what I’m talking about, being authentic and speaking your truth no matter if it falls in the face of being politically incorrect.
What elevates people to speak their truth? I discovered in Indigenous country; First Nation people speak their truth passionately because their lives depends on it. particularly when speaking about lands, language, environment, and culture. I like that about my people. They are not afraid to stand in front of a room filled with people and not hold back what needs to be said, even if it uncomfortable for some to hear. Bravo.
Brothers Peter and Roger heading to our traditional lands in Saskatchewan. 2021 What is holding you back from an authentic life?
There are options below, pick one that reflect how you think, and keep asking yourself why until you have exhausted all excuses.
- Too shy to speak out- I was like that. In university even when I had the answer, I was reluctant to raise my hand because I would blush bright red, at least that’s what I thought. Because my face would be hot. In the end it didn’t matter, did it?
- Afraid to look stupid
- Afraid to be wrong
- You think you have nothing to offer
- Someone else can do it
- You might get in trouble
- You are too nervous
- Someone will think you are showing off
- You don’t think it is your place to speak.
- Someone else should do it, but why not you?
Late Isidore Deranger (dad) and older brother Fredolin -
Gaming Life – is the Opposite of Victimhood
It is what it is I listen to a podcast this morning May 28, 2023, of former Chief Business Officer of Google X, Mo Gawdat. author of Solve For Happy; Engineer Your Path To Joy The sudden and tragic death of his son at 21 set him on a path to make a billion people happier. His view validated how I think about happiness. He says happiness is an equation. Events minus expectations.
In other words, it is our expectations that creates our unhappiness when events don’t meet what we expected. You could live in a most idyllic place in the world, and still find issues with it that make you unhappy. Your partner, husband or wife could be the most attractive compassionate and kind person, but may have something about the other person that bothers you. On the other hand, if you say my perfect partner is human, you could live the rest of your days happy with your choice because being human means we make mistakes. With the absence of expectations placed on our partner we create space for happy life with him or her.
Let me explain it another way, you commute to work run into traffic jam and instantaneously get angry. Bang on your horn and yell. My son when he was 6 years old said to his dad, don’t get mad at the driver ahead of us, the problem is happening further down the road! Out of the mouths of babe, right!
A Neuroscientists , Jill Taylor discovered that from the time an external event happens to how you react say in a traffic jam, your body is flooded with stress hormones in 90 seconds it leaves your body. But when you recreate that event in your mind your body reacts the same, flood with stress hormones each time you replay the event your rational brain reenforces the belief you made the event to mean. You may even feel the same anger you initially felt no matter how long ago it happened. Mo calls this Netflix’s on demand, unhappiness. He says this happens on an unconscious level but also, we resist it on a conscious level. We always have a choice in how we react to an event. ALWAYS. But we choose not to exercise it. Why?
Because there is a utility to being a victim. It stems from our childhood, when you were two years old your brother took your toy. And you cry, mommy comes and says baby don’t worry and gives you a treat. That is when our programming began. We learn when we experience an upset, we get attention maybe a treat. Which is why when people experience a bad day, they reward themselves with, a beer, ice cream or some other comfort. However, you’re not two years old anymore. It is an uncomfortable truth; we have a choice in how we react. Most events are neutral, but we attach a story to it, which takes us down a path to happiness or unhappiness. We create that story.
From the outside my life looks charmed. I live in a beautiful house on the Ottawa River, I have a compassionate and successful husband and supportive children.
However, I had to overcome challenges in my life, I survived a deadly disease as a child, I am an Indian residential school survivor. I experienced death early in my twenties I loss a brother and in my thirties, my dad. I suffered a partial stroke as an adult that left me with limitations, My driver’s license was revoked. As a fiercely independent person this was a huge disappointment.
My brothers Roger, late Rossi, and on my right late Chris These challenges have given me strength tenacity and sense of humor and most of all curiosity about life. I have learned to accept my physical limitations. Happiness is a set of skills and beliefs we can choose to practice no matter what obstacles come our way.
Recently when my friend of discovered she had pancreatic cancer. She never talked about herself as a victim. She accepted her fate but didn’t give up on life until her last breath. She mentioned to me how her husband kept replacing the dead flowers in vases with fresh flowers daily because he knew it gave her happiness and together, they made the best of a horrible diagnosis. Mo experienced a tragic loss of his son, and still encourages others to strive for happiness. Will you make a choice to be happy for the rest of your life? You can because it is under your control.
My sisters Mary, late Liz, Annie, Rose, siting, Dora Bea, Mama, -
Awe is always around Us
The Trees Vibrate lush green after the Rain What does it mean to be awestruck? Do you actively cultivate awe in your life Kelter)
As an Indigenous person, a Dene. I am gifted vibrant oral stories passed down for generations and our traditional ecological knowledge, we are intrinsically part of ecosystems. The Importance of nature, trees, green space.
Seeing sunrise and the sunset brings awe. Walking in nature brings awe. I looked outside this morning as it was raining and the trees looked vibrant, that for me was Awe. And feeling awe brings me joy.
Dacher Kelter A professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley. His book is AWE: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and how it can transform your life. The following is f what I got from his book.
He makes a bold statement at the beginning of his book; Awe is an emotion. He recommend a look at maps of emotional intelligence, think about the images that make us feel. They tend to be astounding. and Trippy tall trees, storm clouds the images in part that makes us feel beauty or more kind of pleasing landscapes. Pretty faces Renoir like scenes in paintings they’re different. The Physiology of the vagus nerve is understanding the body and neurophysiology. When we are awestruck, there is a physical reaction.
The Physiology of the emotion people tell us what it’s like to feel awe they would say I was at this festival of Guadalupe in Mexico City, or I saw the Grand Canyon and it blew my mind.
This emerged in mammalian, in evolution to help us connect and be open to other people and it’s correlated with feeling open to others empathy kindness and in studies when we see incredible imagery of nature people have elevated vagal tone and that’s good news for how you function in the world.
The tears are coming out of the lacrimal gland behind your cornea it’s again part of social kindness-oriented regions of your nervous system the parasympathetic branch and you tear up when we see young people perform on stage, or you’re walking through the streets of the city and see somebody help another stranger we tear up at these moments of people being communal and kind and the goosebumps are amazing. The rushes of goosebumps up the back of your neck and your arms when you’re emotionally touched.
- Warm sensation in the chest- the vagus nerve is the largest bundle of nerves in the mammalian nervous system really complicated starts at the top of your spinal cord wanders through your chest influences breathing, and heart rate.
- Tearing up
- Goosebumps those are little muscles around your hair follicles they contract, and they tend to signal in the mammalian world like it’s time to be together and a face mystery together there a sign of togetherness and leaning into each other.
I ask the question for each of us when we feel these deep experiences How do we interpret it? For some people it’s about divinity and it’s “God” it’s I have a soul.
I personally I like Wilson, the evolutionary biologist he’ stated isn’t it incredible that evolution working for billions of years billions of adaptations natural selection produce nature and ecosystems that can appreciate. Niagara Falls, Sand Dunes, it blows my mind I feel it’s a very personal and complicated question but one worth reflecting on.
My friend, Dr. Bastien transition into the spirit world on Mat 8, 2023. She knew she was dying. I asked her how she felt about dying. She responds, each breath is a gift and when I take my last breath, I will whisper Thank You! That gave me goosebumps. I experienced awe as my friend transition to the spirit world. It is profound. It is transcendence. We can find Awe in grief. She lived with courage and died in grace.
Dr. Betty Bastien -
Recovery – a Road to Self Discovery
Trapped in a bottle “Man Committing Suicide,” by Bill Nasogaluak of Tuktoyaktuk, circa 2007. It can be difficult to get your groove back after taking steps in your recovery, transformation, and healing.
Maybe you went into recovery because you felt your life depended on it, and there is no denying that it did. It was this desperation that propelled you down the road to recovery. Do you agree? But it was based in fear. and got you on track. Perhaps you found yourself in that sacred place called rock bottom, where you faced the truth of your addiction. That was your first step on your healing journey, but it could get lonely.
Sober, your old friends create too much temptation, and you decide to stay away from them. Essentially you feel you’re not having any fun. You’re alone and miss your party buddies. You want to have fun and hang out with them., but you know they are a danger to your continued sobriety.
So maybe for the first time you surround yourself with friends who are also in recovery, you listen, take their advice and before you know it life becomes easier to stay sober and you’re having fun again. Now that the initial desperation that led you to recovery is gone, how do you stay sober?
Ask yourself why you want to be sober? Perhaps you can look at your sobriety as a road to discovery and the possibility that you will learn to love who you are without taking substances.
Notice how on this road your transformation went from fear, and loss. The fear of losing your family, your job, children and or your health, to embracing love. To feel and enjoy life without drugs or alcohol. You begin to love yourself, maybe for the first time in your life.
Your commitment to not use substances can be transformed into a goal that gives weight to your decision that gives philosophical meaning to your decision to be abstinent from drugs and alcohol they feed each other. The love of who you have become as a sober person and being connected spiritually, and emotionally to life.
This new paradigm shift can be an inspiration not only to yourself but to others. You have removed fear and transition into loving yourself. Maybe you have discovered you are no longer chasing excitement, drama, and chaos. You discover you are content to be alive. You’re able to enjoy the subtleties of life without drama. And you discover you want to reach being an elder.
Not just getting old but stepping into your wisdom and being a compassionate and a kind guide on earth.
To be able to support those who ask you for help and to show up and be helpful to those people as an elder. Make it your intention every day, to aspire to that. It is a subtle thing compared to the things that you thought about in your twenties, thirties, and forties. It may not be exciting for people to hear about but its real.
Auntie Marie overcame drinking and inspired others You get to have a real contentment. It means to be truly at peace within your own skin and to be at peace spiritually.
Some people have success renewing their cultural ceremonies, as my Aunt Marie did. The triggers all but diminish. You get to experience a depth of emotion sadness, happiness, contentment and to challenge all of it . A full range of human emotions you get to have deeper relationships with people in your life. How does that sound? Incredible right? And It is achievable.
The truth is I have never had an addiction. So why would you listen to what I have to say on the subject?
I challenge you to consider if what you’re doing isn’t working, it might help to change your perspective and consider a new way to reach your sobriety goal. You don’t have to do it because I say so. However, I invite you to try. I may have never experienced addiction to substances, but I do have some practical experience in addictions.
First, I’ve spent decades on the Board of Directors, first as Vice Chair and then Chairperson of an institution that looked at supporting addictions and First Nations people in recovery. I have been on teams developing curriculum to address addictions.
Secondly, some members of my family struggle to get sober, and to enjoy their life. It is a challenge. I know this because I’ve witness them struggling, falling off the wagon and getting back on the wagon repeatedly. But most importantly, I am a compassionate and empathetic person. I hope that I have conveyed here resonates with some of you and gives you hope. No matter how many times you try keep trying because you are worth it and you are loved.
At the same time, I ask myself, do I really appreciate this struggle? How can I when I have never experienced addiction.
What I know, I know from watching some members of my family struggle. I know it is a real struggle and that no one chooses to be an addict. Yes, there are facilities and support systems available to help. However, sometimes a person is just not ready to ask for help. It doesn’t mean they want to remain an addict. But the decision has to be theirs to embark on this self-discovery of love. You can enjoy life and friends without relying on altering substances.
My brother Rossi battled his demons until it took him. But my sister, Mary had success taming her demons. And she helps members of the family when they ask for help.
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From the Shores of the Ottawa River 
